| |
TUESDAY
13 JULY 2004
 'Even
if this type of bra make your breast low, no concern of mine'.
A revolutionary approach to underwear design, from the same godlike genius
that brought us the
hanty.
Further proof that boys just can't get enough of counting things: good
old Rob from cockeyed.com
has worked out that there
are 600,426,974,379,824,381,952 possible ways to spell Viagra!
Better clear your diary for the next year or so - s'gonna take a while
to adjust those spam filters.
 As well
as counting, another thing that men are really good at is: collecting
things! For no reason whatsoever, this lovely man has decided to collect
second-hand pictures (not rude ones!!!!) of women
and dogs. That's it. Thrifted pictures of women and dogs,
together, in the same photo. Thousands of them. That's so perfectly retarded
that it makes me want to do a little cry.
Think you're having a bad day? At least you're not
the Winnebago
Man! (requires Quicktime). Thank god no one taught him how
to say 'cunt'...
And finally...Anime
fan in 'has sex' shocker! Don't tell all the Jap-obsessed
indie boys: they'll only get jealous.
Your face here? Send
us some links!
MONDAY 12 JULY 2004
Worried about the safety of your iPod when wandering round scary, rough,
dodgy areas like, say, my manor Hackney
(seen here through the eyes of a fellow blogger who says 'Unfortunate
enough to live in Hackney, I console myself by appreciating the nutcases
I meet every day')? Why not chazz an old Walkman and make yourself a Retropod?
The subtle way to let people know you're Jonathan Io's greatest fan while
keeping those pesky muggers at bay!
Your face here? Send
us some links!
FRIDAY 09 JULY 2004
It's time for Blaire to get married!
Blaire is a 'confident, creative, spiritual independent woman' who you
might think 'doesn't need any help' (apart from help from the contrast
tool in Photoshop, but then, who doesn't?) getting married. Hm. Can't
quite decide how to take this one. Is she:
a) A go-getting fem chasing a goal and therefore something
to be celebrated, as everything a woman does now empowers women, even
really crappy things
b) A lame desperate man-chaser attempting to buy into boring old played-out
tradition
c ) A savvy marketing genius who's just turned herself into another self-styled
web celeb, thereby driving up traffic on her career-related websites which
are cannily linked to from the homepage of her site (she coaches singles
on improving their self-esteem and is an event planner for people getting
married)?
Place your bets now!
Your face here? Send
us some links!
THURSDAY 01 JULY 2004
Bristol-based hip-hop fanzine DUTTY GIRL and long-time AMP contributer
Lady Lucy's Independent
Heroine feminist arts imprint join together for a Hip-Hop
Herstory residency on Radio Dialect. The first show discussed 'the foremothers
of hip-hop', and over the next three weeks they'll be exploring female
hip-hop pioneers from Roxanne Shante and Ran Digga to Li'l Kim and The
RealRoxanne. Tuesday nights, radiodialect.net,
7-8pm. AMP mininzine says: check it out!
Your face here? Send
us some links!
MONDAY 28 JUNE 2004
Here's what I want you to do.
1) Go to Electrobleep.com
2) Select artist: 'Avenue D'
3) Playlist all their tracks
4) Read this live review of
them (also appears in Plan B magazine)
So. Are you sitting comfortably? Avenue D - Debbie and Daphne - are two
of the rudest, sluttiest girls I think I've ever heard. Beyond proud to
be 'freaky bitches', they'd send most indie boys running to the other
side of the room in an instant, their hands between their thighs to protect
their indie tweezer dicks. Sample lyrics:
Fuck me hard / pull my hair / grab my neck / fill me up with cum and
sweat/
I don't give a shit / come on my tits / make me twitch / I'm a dirty bitch
Bend over / shut your eyes / grit your teeth / spread your thighs
Beat me beat me beat me up / in your rusty pick-up truck
Throw me down / treat me rough / don't come till I've had enough
Talk about topping from the bottom. It's like the chicks from Max Hardcore
films or throatpokers.com given voice to a soundtrack of booty bass and
commodore 64 beats. Look forward to a big phat feature interview with
them in a future issue of Plan B, in which we discuss masochism, indie
boys, wimpsters, feminism (second wave, third wave, 'ecriture feminine',
whatever), plus internet porn, face-slapping, asphyxia, the uses of the
SID chip, and the best ways to meet dirty boys rough enough to meet their
exacting demands. Of course, this interview hasn't happened yet, but I
am going to make it happen, and I can hardly wait.
Avenue D website
(buy me a pair of booty shorts!)
Plan B website
(buy yo'self a copy of the magazine!)
Electrobleep.com
(irritate other listeners by playing the same four tracks again
and again!)
Your face here? Send us some
links!
MONDAY 14 JUNE 2004
 Right
sluts - fAsHiOn cOrNeR tImE! Jew-lo pants, what would Barbara Streisland
do t-shirts - yup, it's Jewish
chic! Time to bust out the Jew-fro and challah tee, dress
the dog in a doggy yarmulke and tallis and crank the 50
Shekel up to 11...
Or, alternatively, fuck fashion! If you are doing a sad because Cheap
Date's International Fashion Strike got cancelled, never mind.
You can protest against built-in obsolescence and the eternal cycle of
continuing co-option (translation: what wankers fashion ppl are) in a
more subversive and artistic way by joining The
Grey Sweatsuit Revolution! Hark:
"The battle against fashion needs to be fought differently. We
cannot simply dress weirder than the mainstream in an attempt to dull
our sense of complicity with western consumer society. Dissent through
conscious differentiation simply feeds the fashion system by providing
it with fresh expression to appropriate."
Their solution? Hipsters dress in grey sweatsuits for, like,
ever, the mainstream fashion world has nothing to co-opt, and fashion
DIES! Hah! Plus, people stop wasting time using silly old clothes as a
form of expression, and have to start doing something useful with their
time, like making art, or music, or campaigning against landmines in Somalia
or whatever. It'll never catch on.
: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :
: : : : : : :
And now, wandering over to iNdIE mUsIc LAnD... some of our favourite
things are beautiful music, beautiful gayboys, and A5 pink magazines.
See them all combined into one glorious whole as perennial AMP fave fagmag
BUTT interviews
Joel
Gibb from the Hidden
Cameras. In case you ain't heard of them, and I'm sure you have, the
Hidden Cameras are this fabulous indie-pop guitary choral churchy folky
harmony-drenched bunch of hardcore gayers that sing about piss sex and
enemas and banning marriage for homos and being in and out of love, and
you should totally go and buy all their records right this second, unless
you are dead on the inside or something, in which case stick to Evanescence.
But then: why listen to the whole of glorious pop songs when you can
just listen to the coolest song parts? And then, why not make a list of
the fifty
coolest song parts in the entire world? And then, why not
completely fuck it up by suggesting that the coolest song part in the
entire world is THE
BIT WHEN THE DRUMS FINALLY KICK IN IN PHIL COLLINS'S IN THE AIR TONIGHT?
Hello? If this is irony, someone should forward them the irony-is-dead
memo that the rest of the world got a couple years back. And if this isn't
irony, someone should just kill me - or them - now. I don't really mind
which, just as long as it's soon.
: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :
: : : : : : :
 Doesn't
it suck when someone does a magazine you've been meaning to do for ages
but were just too lame to get your shit together and actually do? No,
because at least said magazine actually exists, and god it looks good.
Check out Sweet Action
Magazine, which features skinny-ass dirty-hott hipster boys
in their pants, and, errr, that's about it. Hurrah! It's independent magazines
like this which make you think maybe the world's not such a shit place
after all, and you realise that, though we've got a long way to go, baby
(equal pay for
equal work would be a nice place to start, for example) things sho'
nuff are changing for the better for us ladies.
: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :
: : : : : : :
HEY L@@K - Christian
anime! Therefore, with no tentacle rape, eyeballs being ripped
out and placed in vaginas, or 12-year-old schoolgirls with cat ears and
melon-breasts getting raped by their own brothers! Which sucks! It's like...
low-fat ice-cream or something! It's like: why? Christians should just
accept that there are some things they're just *not* allowed to co-opt.
I mean, they get to have everlasting life and to eat the sweet flesh of
Jesus every single Sunday night - why should they get anime too? That
just ain't on.
: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :
: : :
Your face here? Send us some
links!
<<< older weblog type things <<<
|
|
