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Thursday 31 January 2002


We all love our Vinnie's Tampon Cases, don't we - but would you wear a Vinnies t-shirt proclaiming that your period 'doesn't have to be a drag'? Me neither. There's being pro-girl, and there's looking like a walking Tampax ad, and they ain't the same ting, bwoy. Likewise, there's being pro-girl, and then there's making your own sanitary products. Gnee!

For a more indepth and less flip (that's difficult) commentary on this topic, get hold of a copy of the new issue of Bitch magazine (available at Borders while stocks last) which features a rad article on the subject. (Thanks to Catherine Redfern of cool UK feminist site thefword.org for tipping us off that it was Bitch time. Cheeyars, monz!)

Not that I'm thinking of getting hitched or nuffin, but I know a lot of ppl that do cling to this archaic ritual. If they'd like to retain a hint of their grrrlish dignity, perhaps they might like to check out this Stateside webzine for brides with brains before they get dem ringz on dey fingaz.

N'after you're married conception'll probably happen to you like what it did to my friend Frankie, so if yo gon' spawn, then spawn with style.

Virtual shopping? I'll have this London calling t-shirt then, thanks. This is a poor in-joke that only amuses about 2 people and makes everyone else think I actually buy overpriced baby-tees from slickly-designed Japanese-stylee fake alternative sites like Yumpop. So everyone's a winner!

Jeeves: the truth. So now you know. Sadly he refused to confirm whether or not he had a large penis.

I would like to say a big thank you to Chris from The Dog and Pony Show for clearing up one of the mysteries of London town. Who is The Man With The Plait?

The Man With The Plait (see Claudia Conway's The Indie Girl article for more detail) is old, and hunched, with a grey-blonde plait hanging halfway down his back, and he videos every gig he sees. And look! Here is his site! Here are Fosca, and Lolita Storm, and oh, every other gig ever! Chris did even tell me his name, but I forget. Investigative journalism at its peak - that's why you visit my site, right?

And finally - J.T. Leroy's diaryland site!!!!!! Is like finding diamond, or something, in fireplace. Here be some of his fiction too.

thatis al realy, 'm8'.

Catch yo' bitch ass l8r,

AMP


24 December 2001

You'll never find a theremin in a skip or at Richer Sounds. But you can download one from the web. Huzzah!

If you like Peaches (and who doesn't) you'll shake yer tits/dicks to Princess Superstar. Check the sex diary she wrote for Jane magazine. Fun!

Tits! Millions of 'em, all sent in for the delectation of Ernie from Ernies House of Whoopass. The project, simply by showcasing the sheer diversity of tits out there, is actually far more revolutionary than its apparent aim of giving some faux-ironic redneck a squidy boner. After all, how often you get to see anything other than the 'official breast' in the media - all perky and siliconed and anti-gravitional? Yet here are big nipples, teensy ones, tear-drop shaped breasts, low-slung breasts, odd-sized breasts, even mastectomy scars - and they're all lovely.

Blair's updated. Yip yip!

Ace fiction at Girlbomb.

And finally, the Make Buffy Swear keyboard. Iguana spunk, indeed.



Monday 26 November 2001





Check out The Accidental Hedonist - an interactive online journal I'm doing for Seethru. It's about editorial assistant / receptionist Zoe and her coke-soaked London adventures. So far she's gone to a 'batchelorette party', fucked an old dude, and snogged a lady while on ecstacy. The big ho. As you can imagine, research has been gruelling. Why not mail Zoe and suggest some naughtiness for her/me to get up to...


And now some lush-ass links. Peek at the photo-collections of fabulous people (includes cute boys, menz fanz!), admire the primitive genius that is Tamponhenge, weep sweet tears over the cutest Japanese site ever, and create your very own Love Heart.

Thatis all, realy. Seeya!




Wednesday 24 October 2001

Click this.

Plus: Grow Your Own War!



Tuesday 23 October 2001

Oh, the shame. How was I to know that Gonzo is now the name given to a porn genre (warning: rude) devoted to getting everyday girlies walking down the street to sneak into an alley and get their keks off on camera? How was I to know the words 'I wanna be a female Gonzo' sparked off an entirely different set of associations in the minds of my readers? What can I say; I'm just naive. It's actually quite nice to be naive. Yay me!


Friday 12 October 2001

One month on, a country remembers. By playing a game. A game where you have to shoot the planes down before they hit the World Trade Centre. It's a healing mechanism, doncha know.



Tuesday 09 October 2001


Are there any female Gonzo journalists out there? I wanna be a Gonzo! But I guess until I get head from a Thai whore in Amsterdam, or whatever the fuck it is these not-so-New Journalists do, I'll have to settle for the Gonzo Journalism Generator instead. Tsk.


Click here to find out what robot you really are










Sunday 07 October 2001

Alberquerque police make late-nite Krispy Kreme donut run via helicopter. You would, wouldn't you?


It's virtual shopping time again. Could I have this What Would Joan Jett Do t-shirt in pink. And this skull-girl bag to scare my boss, when I finally get a new one. Yay! And these badges please. And some Nads hair removing cream, because that is funny. Just please, whatever you do... not the flow-dyed t-shirt....



Oh dear.





Friday 28 September 2001
This
is the best site in the world ever. Balancing things on pets is good enough, but balancing things on a pet rabbit is sublime.

Do you like my new swimming costume? I'm thinking of re-growing my ladyhairs, though, and plaiting them and putting beads in. Like a Bo Derek for new millennium. Mmm, hottstuffs.

Pictures of trams in Berlin.
Utterly intoxicating. Don't know why.

Germaine Greer, Erica Jong, Betty Freidan, Camille Paglia and, uh, Doctor Ruth give short interviews about sex to Playboy magazine. Young Germaine was so much fun!

Lisa Carver has decided to quit her sex column for Nerve. She's collecting the sex-related thoughts and opinions of others (hi Terry!) instead. Which is fine in theory, but, dammit, I don't want to know their thoughts. I want to know her thoughts. She was wild and original and free, and she had bad sex thoughts about Celine Dion and her manager, and I wanna know more! I'll have to order all the back issues of Rollerderby I'm missing instead.

And finally: something utterly yukky and gross. Here's an alphabetical list of playground insults, tortures, et-cetera. You will be here for hours, snickering.



Tuesday 25 September 2001


Poetry in motion. Girls Skate Better is a site devoted to one girls's skating life. The best bits for me are the tiny films depicting the various tricks you can learn: ollies, railslides, etc. Not for the skills, but for the tinny sound of wheels and deck on concrete, the glowing lights of the Burger King behind the parking lot in the American dusk; the girl's knee-length shorts and the ponytail peeking out from beneath her baseball cap. Evocative.

Alternatively, check this out for lame: *I Lurve Yummi Sk8r Bois*. Christ! Listen! "I personally LOVE skater guys' style and I think it's awesome how they can do all those tricks on wheels!" Gee, thanks for that insight, Miss Skate Betty. If Miss Girls Skate Better were to meet you, I think she would run over your toes with her board, and you would *so* deserve it. Gimme gay underage skateboy porno any day. Please.



____________________________________
From Cocoa:

"An egroup about females in techno just started, and includes two people who are from what i can tell intelligent people who post frequently to the 313 mailing list. I just posted something that i may regret! I am just excited that this egroup has finally started. Right now there are only 5 posts... My whole theory is that these discussions are the most inventive and interesting in the beginning and then they get stale. So why not be a part of the conversation when the getting is good?"

____________________________________________

And finally. Nice porno lady writes nice things about AMPnet and sparks debate about ugly guy sex. I wish I could join in but you have to pay a membership fee. If we had a forum at AMP we could discuss it here. Though it would probably only be me discussing it, which would be rather self-indulgent, wouldn't it. I mean, frankly, if I want to go and have a wank, I'll go and have a wank, won't I. Tra la la. I won't hold my breath for the flurry of emails begging for an amp community, ok? But secretly in my heart I know it would rock, even if it was just me, Vtini, Ibby and my sister Lisa talking about shoes. Yeah.


Monday 17 September 2001

No updates for ages, sorry. Here are bundles of links to make up for it.

Today's contents:
1) Links relating to Tuesday 11 Sept 2001
2) The obligatory 'let's leer at gayboys' link
3) Cocoa Beware's hottlinks
4) Virtual retail therapy
5) Miss AMP's hottlinks

1. RE: TUESDAY 11 SEPT 2001

a) "My 2 brothers and my sister live in lower Manhattan, and are volunteering to help with the cleanup and rescue. They have been sending me incredible E-mails since tuesday, which I've collected at http://avalon.net/~kent/wtc". Email as art, or demonstration of the solipsism of the web?

1. b) Read the following 3 messages in order; check the dates. Freaky-ass terrorist spilling secrets on the web, or...nonsense?

http://www.corvetteforum.net/c4/c4your_door/post.html
http://www.corvetteforum.net/c4/c4your_door/post2.html
http://www.corvetteforum.net/c4/c4your_door/response.html

1. c) "In the City of God there will be a great thunder, Two brothers torn apartby Chaos, while the fortress endures, the great man will perish." Nostradamus? Shyeah right.

1. d) "CNN using 1991 footage of Palestinians celebrating to manipulate you." Um, possibly.

2) OBLIGATORY 'LEER AT GAYBOYS' LINK

Check out Cocoa Beware's article on webcam boys: deftly written, laugh-out-loud funny, subtly sexy. "They are sharing, trading, and scrutinizing cock shots, money shots, and blurry digital captures of skaterboys, raverboys, boysnextdoor, abercrombieboys, fratboys, punkboys, thugboys, trashyboys, and any other type you can think of. "

3. COCOA'S LINKS

a) Shop for your indie boy or girl du jour. Hit search and then type in your favorite obscure band. Then find a hottie in Minnesota who likes the same band too! Oh my god!!!

3. b) This site is made by a couple. Basically she takes nudie photos of her husband lifting his kilt up in different locales ranging from the Scottish highlands to st. Petersburg. It is neat to see such a feisty little couple getting their exhibitionistic freak on!!! Also this is porn for girls! And the site is free!


4) VIRTUAL SHOPPING

Kitty socks
Ruffly pants
The Punkette Boot

5) MISS AMP's LINKS

We Hate Railtrack Dot Com

Everett True's summer diary
Being Lady Lucy 2001
IPC ABANDONDED REAL GIRLS





Monday 23 July 2001

Do you like being scared, little girl? Do you like PAIN? Yeah? Then why not check out animated teeth dot.com, where you can see exactly what goes on in a ROOT CANAL TREATMENT! Ooh, yummy! Please note: this actually made me cry.

Please to check out the site of Mr Cody Kennedy Critcheloe, he of the extremely skilled pen. His drawing of Peaches is to form the centrefold of the new print issue of AMP, and he is boss. Respec'!


Monday 02 July 2001 Hidden in a news report entitled 'Drug 'Munchies' Are A Health Risk' lies this little gem. 'Despite the increased calorie intake, marijuana users are no more likely to be overweight than non-users. This is believed to be due to the effect that the drug has on the metabolism.' Pass us that Chocolate Orange, would you pet?

'This bass embodies our two biggest influences - Lakland Basses and Hello Kitty.' Get taken seriously in the music industry with this schweet lickle geetar.

Wierd, painful, disgusting, fantastic - it's that nose hair plucking site that everyone else was linking to last week! But my sister and the two other people who read this site may not have seen it yet, so here it is.

One day I too am going to have biceps. Though I will stop before the full Drag Queen Arm effect a la Madonna. It takes serious determination to carry that look off, and I know I don't got what it takes.



Here is a website for a nightclub in London that plays German electronica. Just in case you ever get the urge to dance to Neu whilst surrounded by five pretty girls and fifty old men wearing black clothes, like.

Sanrio Characters Jealous Over Hello Kitty Toaster. Me too. I waaaant one!

What is art? Is it a Giant Bra Ball made from over 40,000 donated bras? Um... don't fink so. But hey, I'm probably wrong.

And finally. For some seriously pikey stylee, check the Chatham Girls website. Sheer class, mate. Innit.



Monday 18th June 2001


Look! Cute Powderpuff Girls icons! So what if I've never seen the show? They've got big eyes, they're cute, and lots of people who are cool like them. That's enough for me!


Been stuck for hours wondering who sung 'Take These Broken "Wings'? Desperate to remember the title of The Blow Monkeys' greatest hit? Nah, me neither. But if you were, you could visit Early Eighties Song Of The Week and find out this and ooh so much more.


I'm never sure how I feel about events that promote themselves solely on the basis that all the artists/djs/ whatevers are female. I prefer the idea of an event being advertised on the strength of its content; then you slip along and discover that all the artists involved just 'happen' to be fems. That said, I think Ladyfest UK will probably rock. Probably.






And, from feminism to... pimping. The Spark's new project, Date-My-Sister, involves the little sister of one of the site's editors. And, you guessed it, romance. He's going to fix her up with a fella. And while she's on the dates, he's going to spy on her, and write about it on the site. Hehheh. She doesn't know anything about it and thinks she's involved in a project called Melissa And The City. Heeheeheee. It's good to see that sibling-torture can still take place years after childhood has ended.

Oh, and before I forget: smallpenis.org.

*discreet silence*.


Monday 11 June 2001

When I grow up, I want to be a Professor of Cultural Studies. Then I can write stuff like this article on the scheduling of Buffy and Angel in the UK, and call it work. (Rather than writing stuff like this and calling it work.)

Radical cheerleading. Like cheerleading, but with chants about how diets are rubbish an' ting. Internal contradiction there, methinks? 'Tis cheerleaders that are rubbish, whether radical or otherwise. Oh, and guns. And Bush. And the prom.

And finally. My soft spot for disaffected gothic teenboys is getting so big, I might just have to see a doctor.


Thursday 24 May 2001




Hoo boy. The Infamous Menstrual Diary. Show this to yer dad. Or why not keep one yourself? A surefire boyfriend-catcher. And whilst writing your menstrual diary, why not play The Menstrual Album? Soothing sounds for those special days!

Still can't get a boyfriend? Feeling horny? Check out The Phallic Symbol Collection and make do with something long and girthy.

Still can't get a boyfriend? Oh honey, you're probably too fat! Why not try some anorexic recipies? Dill pickles can be so filling and refreshing, you know! Or how about a cup of sugar-free, reduced calorie gelatine? Mmmmm.

Finally got a boyfriend? Well done! Pregnant? Don't be!


Sunday 20 May 2001


Why do some people have innies? Why do some people have outies? Why are bogies green? Why do people get grumpy when they are tired? Why? Whhhyyyy? Ask the New Scientist. It knows everything.

Quoth art activists the Guerilla Girls:
"Too-skinny actresses are just part of the problem in Hollywood. Help us send a message to the movie moguls by downloading these stickers, xeroxing them onto adhesive labels and putting them up all over town - especially in movie theater bathrooms." Do it!

More lovely stuff I'll never buy from welovefine - Sugar High Big Pants! So cute!

Put Your Hidden Shame On The Mantlepiece.
Hm. Kinda naff, but still better than my technique: "Put Your Hidden Shame On The Bedroom Floor On Top Of A Porno Mag For Your Boyfriend's Mother To Stumble Over And Shoot You The You Are An Evil Slag From Hell Look'.


Tuesday 1 May 2001


Wow, look! Somebody likes me! (Or rather, somebody likes my Jamie Oliver Is So My Bitch article for Seethru.) Hurrah!


Wednesday 25 April 2001


Hello cigarettes!

Hello drugs!

"SPEND ALL YOUR MONEY ON RECORDS AND CANDY!"


Thursday 19 April 2001


A selection of donated linkage:

From Sam Jacob:

"there is this kind of lip balm that i am addicted to called Labello, have you ever tried it? It changed my life! The first time I used it was in '96, when i was studying in weimar, east germany. I was blown away by the sensation! And now they have a billion different flavors and kinds! Well, this teen girl from Israel (i think she is a teen anyway) has this unofficial web page devoted to labello! It is kind of corny, but it made me laugh at its lo-fi cornyness."

And:

"...i am pretty sure you've seen this interview, but it is kind of nice to hear peaches talk about her videos and super8s..."

Subversive stuff from Horton:

Phone In Sick Day

Mayday Monopoly


Summat wierd from Sam Beckwith:

http://www.vekoma.com/

Thank you v. much and please to keep sending in your abnormal linkage. Mwaa. Big snogs to all. Normal service (i.e. updated like once every trillion years) will resume on the 1st May, when house of AMP gets BROADBAND! Oh my, we are so excited we can hardly sit still.


Easter Monday, 16 April 2001


Ho hum. 'Happy' Easter.
Miss AMP is now offically a Noveau Povvo. Seethru lost its funding. Check out the websites of Seethru's other sad sacked freelancers: Toby, Rhodri, Joel, and Alice. We'll be seeing lots of updates on these sites for a bit, methinks! Hurrah!



Wednesday 4 April 2001


Well. There's hipswingin' selflovin' me-a-liciousness, and then there's I HEART ME big pants. And I don't know if I'm ready to go there. Not juuuust yet. Maybe when I'm, like, 35 or somethin' pumping on some young hottiebwoy... then, then I might be ready. But still, if you're the sort of girl that can carry something like that off - hey, I'm free this Friday night, what about you?

And this might just be that girl. Heathy Lee Roth, AMP salutes you! Read this article on why pussyeating should be the new first base and salute her too. Look out for her forthcoming sleazy shit story on AMPnet. Heathy, I am yours.

And, what is today's obligatory 'let's leer at gayboys' link, eh? Ah, it is this: from Beardburn.com, an interesting article about guys who sell their undercrackers on ebay. I thankyew.

And. Finally. We hate to brag. Really, we do. But, heh... we are officially cool. Well, me. *I* am officially cool. No doubt about it. Cool Or Not said so, and them Freaky Trigger readers, they are discerning folk, yesindeedy. Ker-ching, I rock. Lala!!! <'Pologies for this utterly unBritish display of highselfesteem, but, heh, suck my cock! Hee hee!>


Monday 5 Feb 2001

What does an orgasm feel like for you? How many sex partners have you had? Oh, how I miss Rollerderby, never afraid to ask the big questions.

I've had nights like this. (Sort of.) That's why I gave up drinking.

Did my first ever Napster download last night. (They don't call me 'early adopter'. Ever.) Fittingly, it was 'Get Off The Internet' by Le Tigre. But should we get off the internet? Or has it been useful in mobilising social change? These and other questions adressed here by the excellent Freaky Trigger music zine.

Forget Hot or Not - we know that, more important than orange suntans or fake norks or even good cheekbones, is how COOL you are! Study the pictures then email your considered response. Far more civilised.

Friday 12 January 2001

They want it which way? (An oldie but a goodie.)

Wednesday 10 January 2001

More nassty ladies. The Camille Paglia / Julie Burchill fax war transcripts. Double miaow!

Tuesday 9 January 2000

Misanthropic bitch. What a fuckin' cow. I love her. Sample quote: "After learning that my aunt intended to name a female infant "Taylor Jade," I gave my opinion of the name. "What a wonderful name, I exclaimed, for a future professional cocksucker! If you want your daughter to augment her breasts and slurp semen in lieu of water, stick with that name.' Miaow!

We're always keen to support men in their cute projects, even if they involve self-inflicted pain, because we're nice like that. Ernie's House of Whoopass are helping some poor men to grow their willies bigger. We wish them well.







 

AMP 2K+


 







 

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