Thursday 31 January 2002
We all love our Vinnie's
Tampon Cases, don't we - but would you wear
a Vinnies t-shirt proclaiming that your period 'doesn't have to be
a drag'? Me neither. There's being pro-girl, and there's looking like
a walking Tampax ad, and they ain't the same ting, bwoy. Likewise, there's
being pro-girl, and then there's making
your own sanitary products. Gnee!
For a more indepth and less flip (that's difficult) commentary
on this topic, get hold of a copy of the new issue of Bitch
magazine (available at Borders while stocks last) which features a rad
article on the subject. (Thanks to Catherine Redfern of cool UK feminist
site thefword.org for tipping
us off that it was Bitch time. Cheeyars, monz!)
Not that I'm thinking of getting hitched or nuffin, but I know a lot of
ppl that do cling to this archaic ritual. If they'd like to retain
a hint of their grrrlish dignity, perhaps they might like to check out
this Stateside webzine for brides
with brains before they get dem ringz on dey fingaz.
N'after you're married conception'll probably happen to you like what
it did to my friend Frankie, so if yo gon' spawn, then spawn
Virtual shopping? I'll have this
London calling t-shirt then, thanks. This is a poor in-joke that only
amuses about 2 people and makes everyone else think I actually buy overpriced
baby-tees from slickly-designed Japanese-stylee fake alternative sites
like Yumpop. So everyone's a winner!
Jeeves: the truth. So
now you know. Sadly he refused to confirm whether or not he had a
I would like to say a big thank you to Chris from The
Dog and Pony Show for clearing up one of the mysteries of London town.
Who is The Man With The Plait?
The Man With The Plait (see Claudia Conway's
The Indie Girl article for more detail) is old, and hunched, with
a grey-blonde plait hanging halfway down his back, and he videos every
gig he sees. And look! Here is his site!
Here are Fosca, and Lolita Storm, and oh, every other gig ever! Chris
did even tell me his name, but I forget. Investigative journalism at its
peak - that's why you visit my site, right?
And finally - J.T. Leroy's
diaryland site!!!!!! Is like finding diamond, or something, in fireplace.
Here be some of his fiction
thatis al realy, 'm8'.
Catch yo' bitch ass l8r,
24 December 2001
You'll never find a theremin in a skip or
at Richer Sounds. But you can download
one from the web. Huzzah!
If you like Peaches (and who doesn't) you'll shake
yer tits/dicks to Princess
Superstar. Check the sex
diary she wrote for Jane magazine. Fun!
of 'em, all sent in for the delectation of Ernie from Ernies House
of Whoopass. The project, simply by showcasing the sheer diversity of
tits out there, is actually far more revolutionary than its apparent aim
of giving some faux-ironic redneck a squidy boner. After all, how often
you get to see anything other than the 'official breast' in the media
- all perky and siliconed and anti-gravitional? Yet here are big nipples,
teensy ones, tear-drop shaped breasts, low-slung breasts, odd-sized breasts,
even mastectomy scars - and they're all lovely.
updated. Yip yip!
And finally, the Make
Buffy Swear keyboard. Iguana spunk, indeed.
Monday 26 November 2001
Check out The
Accidental Hedonist - an interactive online journal I'm doing for
It's about editorial assistant / receptionist Zoe
and her coke-soaked London adventures. So far she's gone to a 'batchelorette
party', fucked an old dude, and snogged a lady while on ecstacy. The big
ho. As you can imagine, research has been gruelling. Why not mail
Zoe and suggest some naughtiness for her/me to get up to...
now some lush-ass links. Peek at the photo-collections
of fabulous people (includes cute boys, menz fanz!), admire the primitive
genius that is Tamponhenge,
weep sweet tears over the
cutest Japanese site ever, and create your very own Love
Thatis all, realy. Seeya!
Wednesday 24 October 2001
Your Own War!
Tuesday 23 October 2001
Oh, the shame. How was I to know that Gonzo is now the name given
to a porn
genre (warning: rude) devoted to getting everyday girlies walking
down the street to sneak into an alley and get their keks off on camera?
How was I to know the words 'I wanna be a female Gonzo' sparked off an
entirely different set of associations in the minds of my readers? What
can I say; I'm just naive. It's actually quite nice to be naive. Yay me!
Friday 12 October 2001
One month on, a country remembers. By playing a game. A game where
you have to shoot
the planes down before they hit the World Trade Centre. It's a healing
mechanism, doncha know.
Tuesday 09 October 2001
Are there any female Gonzo journalists out there? I wanna be a Gonzo!
But I guess until I get head from a Thai whore in Amsterdam, or whatever
the fuck it is these not-so-New Journalists do, I'll have to settle for
Journalism Generator instead. Tsk.
Sunday 07 October 2001
police make late-nite Krispy Kreme donut run via helicopter. You would,
It's virtual shopping time again. Could I have this What
Would Joan Jett Do t-shirt in pink. And this skull-girl
bag to scare my boss, when I finally get a new one. Yay! And these
badges please. And some Nads
hair removing cream, because that is funny. Just please, whatever you
do... not the flow-dyed
Friday 28 September 2001
This is the best site in the world ever. Balancing things on pets
is good enough, but balancing things on a pet rabbit is sublime.
Do you like my new
swimming costume? I'm thinking of re-growing my ladyhairs, though,
and plaiting them and putting beads in. Like a Bo Derek for new millennium.
Pictures of trams in Berlin. Utterly intoxicating. Don't know why.
Germaine Greer, Erica Jong, Betty Freidan, Camille Paglia and, uh, Doctor
Ruth give short
interviews about sex to Playboy magazine. Young
Germaine was so much fun!
Lisa Carver has decided to quit her sex column for Nerve. She's collecting
thoughts and opinions of others (hi Terry!) instead. Which is fine
in theory, but, dammit, I don't want to know their thoughts. I
want to know her thoughts. She was wild and original and free,
and she had bad sex thoughts about Celine Dion and her manager, and I
wanna know more! I'll have to order all the back issues of Rollerderby
I'm missing instead.
And finally: something utterly yukky and gross. Here's an alphabetical
list of playground insults, tortures, et-cetera. You will be here
for hours, snickering.
Tuesday 25 September 2001
Poetry in motion. Girls
Skate Better is a site devoted to one girls's skating life. The best
bits for me are the tiny
films depicting the various tricks you can learn: ollies, railslides,
etc. Not for the skills, but for the tinny sound of wheels and deck on
concrete, the glowing lights of the Burger King behind the parking lot
in the American dusk; the girl's knee-length shorts and the ponytail peeking
out from beneath her baseball cap. Evocative.
Alternatively, check this out for lame: *I
Lurve Yummi Sk8r Bois*. Christ! Listen! "I personally LOVE skater
guys' style and I think it's awesome how they can do all those tricks
on wheels!" Gee, thanks for that insight, Miss Skate Betty. If Miss
Girls Skate Better were to meet you, I think she would run over your toes
with her board, and you would *so* deserve it. Gimme gay underage skateboy
porno any day. Please.
"An egroup about females
in techno just started, and includes two people who are from what
i can tell intelligent people who post frequently to the 313 mailing list.
I just posted something that i may regret! I am just excited that this
egroup has finally started. Right now there are only 5 posts... My whole
theory is that these discussions are the most inventive and interesting
in the beginning and then they get stale. So why not be a part of the
conversation when the getting is good?"
And finally. Nice porno lady writes nice things about AMPnet and sparks
debate about ugly
guy sex. I wish I could join in but you have to pay a membership fee.
If we had a forum at AMP we could discuss it here. Though it would probably
only be me discussing it, which would be rather self-indulgent, wouldn't
it. I mean, frankly, if I want to go and have a wank, I'll go and have
a wank, won't I. Tra la la. I won't hold my breath for the flurry of emails
begging for an amp community, ok? But secretly in my heart I know it would
rock, even if it was just me, Vtini,
Ibby and my sister Lisa talking
about shoes. Yeah.
Monday 17 September 2001
No updates for ages, sorry. Here are bundles of links to make up for it.
1) Links relating to Tuesday 11 Sept 2001
2) The obligatory 'let's leer at gayboys' link
3) Cocoa Beware's hottlinks
4) Virtual retail therapy
5) Miss AMP's hottlinks
1. RE: TUESDAY 11 SEPT 2001
a) "My 2 brothers and my sister live in lower Manhattan, and are
volunteering to help with the cleanup and rescue. They have been sending
me incredible E-mails since tuesday, which I've collected at http://avalon.net/~kent/wtc".
Email as art, or demonstration of the solipsism of the web?
1. b) Read the following 3 messages in order; check the dates. Freaky-ass
terrorist spilling secrets on the web, or...nonsense?
1. c) "In the City of God there will be a great thunder, Two brothers
torn apartby Chaos, while the fortress endures, the great man will perish."
Nostradamus? Shyeah right.
1. d) "CNN
using 1991 footage of Palestinians celebrating to manipulate you."
2) OBLIGATORY 'LEER AT GAYBOYS' LINK
Check out Cocoa Beware's article on webcam
boys: deftly written, laugh-out-loud funny, subtly sexy. "They are
sharing, trading, and scrutinizing cock shots, money shots, and blurry
digital captures of skaterboys, raverboys, boysnextdoor, abercrombieboys,
fratboys, punkboys, thugboys, trashyboys, and any other type you can think
3. COCOA'S LINKS
a) Shop for your indie boy or girl
du jour. Hit search and then type in your favorite obscure band. Then
find a hottie in Minnesota who likes the same band too! Oh my god!!!
3. b) This site is made by a couple. Basically she takes nudie
photos of her husband lifting his kilt up in different locales ranging
from the Scottish highlands to st. Petersburg. It is neat to see such
a feisty little couple getting their exhibitionistic freak on!!! Also
this is porn for girls! And the site is free!
4) VIRTUAL SHOPPING
5) MISS AMP's LINKS
We Hate Railtrack Dot Com
True's summer diary
IPC ABANDONDED REAL GIRLS
Monday 23 July 2001
Do you like being scared, little girl? Do you like PAIN? Yeah? Then why
not check out animated
teeth dot.com, where you can see exactly what goes on in a ROOT CANAL
TREATMENT! Ooh, yummy! Please note: this actually made me cry.
Please to check out the site of Mr
Cody Kennedy Critcheloe, he of the extremely skilled pen. His drawing
of Peaches is to form the centrefold of the new print issue of AMP, and
he is boss. Respec'!
Monday 02 July 2001 Hidden in a news report entitled 'Drug
'Munchies' Are A Health Risk' lies this little gem. 'Despite the
increased calorie intake, marijuana users are no more likely to be overweight
than non-users. This is believed to be due to the effect that the drug
has on the metabolism.' Pass us that Chocolate Orange, would you pet?
bass embodies our two biggest influences - Lakland Basses and Hello
Kitty.' Get taken seriously in the music industry with this schweet
Wierd, painful, disgusting, fantastic - it's that nose
hair plucking site that everyone else was linking to last week! But
my sister and the two other people who read this site may not have seen
it yet, so here it is.
One day I too am going to have biceps.
Though I will stop before the full Drag Queen Arm effect a la Madonna.
It takes serious determination to carry that look off, and I know I don't
got what it takes.
Here is a website for a nightclub
in London that plays German electronica. Just in case you ever get the
urge to dance to Neu whilst surrounded by five pretty girls and fifty
old men wearing black clothes, like.
Characters Jealous Over Hello Kitty Toaster. Me too. I waaaant
What is art? Is it a Giant
Bra Ball made from over 40,000 donated bras? Um... don't fink so.
But hey, I'm probably wrong.
And finally. For some seriously pikey stylee, check the Chatham
Girls website. Sheer class, mate. Innit.
Monday 18th June 2001
Powderpuff Girls icons! So what if I've never seen the show? They've
got big eyes, they're cute, and lots of people who are cool like them.
That's enough for me!
Been stuck for hours wondering who sung 'Take These Broken "Wings'?
Desperate to remember the title of The Blow Monkeys' greatest hit? Nah,
me neither. But if you were, you could visit Early
Eighties Song Of The Week and find out this and ooh so much more.
I'm never sure how I feel about events that promote themselves solely
on the basis that all the artists/djs/ whatevers are female. I prefer
the idea of an event being advertised on the strength of its content;
then you slip along and discover that all the artists involved just 'happen'
to be fems. That said, I think Ladyfest
UK will probably rock. Probably.
And, from feminism to... pimping. The Spark's new project, Date-My-Sister,
involves the little sister of one of the site's editors. And, you guessed
it, romance. He's going to fix her up with a fella. And while she's on
the dates, he's going to spy on her, and write about it on the site. Hehheh.
She doesn't know anything about it and thinks she's involved in a project
called Melissa And The City. Heeheeheee. It's good to see that sibling-torture
can still take place years after childhood has ended.
Oh, and before I forget: smallpenis.org.
Monday 11 June 2001
When I grow up, I want to be a Professor of Cultural Studies. Then I can
write stuff like this
article on the scheduling of Buffy and Angel in the UK, and call it work.
(Rather than writing stuff like this and calling it work.)
Like cheerleading, but with chants about how diets are rubbish an' ting.
Internal contradiction there, methinks? 'Tis cheerleaders that are rubbish,
whether radical or otherwise. Oh, and guns. And Bush. And the prom.
And finally. My soft spot for disaffected
gothic teenboys is getting so big, I might just have to see a doctor.
Thursday 24 May 2001
Hoo boy. The Infamous
Menstrual Diary. Show this to yer dad. Or why not keep one yourself?
A surefire boyfriend-catcher. And whilst writing your menstrual diary,
why not play The Menstrual Album?
Soothing sounds for those special days!
Still can't get a boyfriend? Feeling horny? Check out The
Phallic Symbol Collection and make do with something long and girthy.
Still can't get a boyfriend? Oh honey, you're probably too fat! Why
not try some anorexic
recipies? Dill pickles can be so filling and refreshing, you know!
Or how about a cup of sugar-free, reduced calorie gelatine? Mmmmm.
Finally got a boyfriend? Well done! Pregnant? Don't
Sunday 20 May 2001
Why do some people have innies? Why do some people have outies? Why are
bogies green? Why do people get grumpy when they are tired? Why? Whhhyyyy?
Ask the New Scientist.
It knows everything.
Quoth art activists the Guerilla Girls:
"Too-skinny actresses are just part of the problem in Hollywood.
Help us send a message to the movie moguls by downloading these
stickers, xeroxing them onto adhesive labels and putting them up all
over town - especially in movie theater bathrooms." Do it!
More lovely stuff I'll never buy from welovefine - Sugar
High Big Pants! So cute!
Put Your Hidden Shame On The Mantlepiece. Hm. Kinda naff, but still
better than my technique: "Put Your Hidden Shame On The Bedroom Floor
On Top Of A Porno Mag For Your Boyfriend's Mother To Stumble Over And
Shoot You The You Are An Evil Slag From Hell Look'.
Tuesday 1 May 2001
Wow, look! Somebody likes me!
(Or rather, somebody likes my Jamie Oliver Is So My Bitch article for
Wednesday 25 April 2001
YOUR MONEY ON RECORDS AND CANDY!"
Thursday 19 April 2001
A selection of donated linkage:
From Sam Jacob:
"there is this kind of lip balm that i am addicted to called Labello,
have you ever tried it? It changed my life! The first time I used it was
in '96, when i was studying in weimar, east germany. I was blown away
by the sensation! And now they have a billion different flavors and kinds!
Well, this teen girl from Israel (i think she is a teen anyway) has this
unofficial web page devoted to labello!
It is kind of corny, but it made me laugh at its lo-fi cornyness."
"...i am pretty sure you've seen this interview, but it is kind of
nice to hear peaches
talk about her videos and super8s..."
Subversive stuff from Horton:
Phone In Sick Day
Summat wierd from Sam Beckwith:
Thank you v. much and please to keep sending
in your abnormal linkage. Mwaa. Big snogs to all. Normal service (i.e.
updated like once every trillion years) will resume on the 1st May, when
house of AMP gets BROADBAND! Oh my, we are so excited we can hardly sit
Easter Monday, 16 April 2001
Ho hum. 'Happy' Easter. Miss AMP is now offically
a Noveau Povvo. Seethru lost its
funding. Check out the websites of Seethru's other sad sacked freelancers:
Joel, and Alice.
We'll be seeing lots of updates on these sites for a bit, methinks! Hurrah!
Wednesday 4 April 2001
Well. There's hipswingin' selflovin' me-a-liciousness, and then there's
I HEART ME big pants. And I don't know if I'm ready to go there. Not
juuuust yet. Maybe when I'm, like, 35 or somethin' pumping on some young
hottiebwoy... then, then I might be ready. But still, if you're the sort
of girl that can carry something like that off - hey, I'm free this Friday
night, what about you?
And this might just be that girl. Heathy Lee Roth, AMP salutes you! Read
this article on why
pussyeating should be the new first base and salute her too. Look
out for her forthcoming sleazy shit story on AMPnet. Heathy, I am yours.
And, what is today's obligatory 'let's leer at gayboys' link, eh? Ah,
it is this: from Beardburn.com,
an interesting article about guys
who sell their undercrackers on ebay. I thankyew.
And. Finally. We hate to brag. Really, we do. But, heh... we are officially
cool. Well, me. *I* am officially cool. No doubt about it. Cool
Or Not said so, and them Freaky Trigger readers, they are discerning
folk, yesindeedy. Ker-ching, I rock. Lala!!! <'Pologies for this
utterly unBritish display of highselfesteem, but, heh, suck my cock! Hee
Monday 5 Feb 2001
What does an orgasm
feel like for you? How many sex
partners have you had? Oh, how I miss Rollerderby, never afraid to
ask the big questions.
I've had nights like this.
(Sort of.) That's why I gave up drinking.
Did my first ever Napster download
last night. (They don't call me 'early adopter'. Ever.) Fittingly, it
was 'Get Off The Internet' by Le Tigre. But should we get off the internet?
Or has it been useful in mobilising social change? These and other questions
by the excellent Freaky Trigger
Forget Hot or Not - we know that,
more important than orange suntans or fake norks or even good cheekbones,
is how COOL you are!
Study the pictures then email your considered response. Far more civilised.
Friday 12 January 2001
They want it which
way? (An oldie but a goodie.)
Wednesday 10 January 2001
More nassty ladies. The Camille
Paglia / Julie Burchill fax war transcripts. Double miaow!
Tuesday 9 January 2000
bitch. What a fuckin' cow. I love her. Sample
quote: "After learning that my aunt intended to name a female
infant "Taylor Jade," I gave my opinion of the name. "What a wonderful
name, I exclaimed, for a future professional cocksucker! If you want your
daughter to augment her breasts and slurp semen in lieu of water, stick
with that name.' Miaow!
We're always keen to support men in their cute projects, even if they
involve self-inflicted pain, because we're nice like that. Ernie's
House of Whoopass are helping some poor men to grow
their willies bigger. We wish them well.