27.3.08

ENERGY WASTING DAY

Labels:


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

24.3.08

LIVE REVIEW: MY EASTER TEA-PARTY!

i had an easter saturday tea-party and it was absolutely ten shades of fun! being a preg, a traditional party would not be appropriate. and proper dinner parties, with their massively timed OMG WE GOTTA TAKE IT OUT THE OVEN LIKE NOW NOW NOW are a bit... much, really. plus they are the most fun only if you can drink a vat of wine during dinner and maybe smoke a joint or whatever afterwards, and i am not allowed to do that either. but a tea-party! yeah!

ace tea-party ingredients


1) frocks


first of all, you must absolutely have an awesome frock. my sister was rocking a 1950s vibe in a black and white polka dotted dress from vivien of holloway worn with a red pursebelt and her hair all done up in rolls and curls and stuff. and i wore a 1940s tea-dress (isn't 'time as colour' great? i love senselessly ransacking the past!) which made jimmy (that's the name of my unborn child inside my tummy, casual readers!) look massive. of course it wasn't an actual 1940s teadress but a copy from topshop maternity, truly the greatest shop for preggoes on earth. they take their normal fashion outfits and then just add lots more fabric for yr bump. simple!

2) food and drink


anyway. looking lipsmacking and delectable isn't enough i'm afraid. you also need lipsmacking and delectable FOOD, and also, some kind of alcoholic beverage, because even if you can't drink, sadly you are not the centre of the universe, for all you might think that you are, and your guests might want to drink lots.

drink a: gin fizz

we made an enormous punch bowl full of this. it contains:

gin
sparkling white wine
cranberry juice
ice

mix it all up in whatever proportions seem appropriate. don't overdo the gin, obvs. and DO NOT USE SUGAR-FREE OR 'LIGHT' CRANBERRY JUICE. ew ew ew. it has no flavour.

drink b: tea

i think you know about tea, but let me reiterate: a blend of assam and earl grey is essential, and don't forget to warm the pot! and use a pot. if you don't use a pot, you probably shouldn't even be reading this. go 'way now, non-teapot-users.

btw, 'stuff' is important. make sure to serve it on nice stuff, e.g. some amazing glass tea-cups and saucers you got from a charity shop ten thousand years ago (drinking gin from a tea-cup is so ace! and wrong!) and some alfred meakin leaping stag crockery that you have been collecting off ebay for like ever.

sandwiches


all sandwich recipes were purloined from 'olive' magazine, which is quite gay and has a pretty bad features-to-recipes ratio, unlike our fave, bbc good food magazine. howevs, these recipes were awesome:

egg mayo and chive mini rolls (pretty obvious)
beef, watercress and mustard (mix watercress with creme fraiche, shred the beef, and use wholegrain mustard - yowsa!)
smoked trout, horseradish and cucumber (trout mixed with horseradish and creme fraiche, organic cucumber so you can leave the skin on, mmmm)

use soft white rolls for the egg mayo and chive, brown bread for the trout and white for the beef. and cut off the crusts of the bread and then slice them into finger sandwiches so they are all dinky and refined. and put some little flags in them! because it is cute.

also we had:

cheese straws and dips (dips served in pastel ramekins that used to be grandma's)

biscuits


i made madelines. i had never made them before. you have to use a special tin. they looked like bears' paws. these were rosewater madelines from nigella lawson's domestic goddess book. i did not get to taste any, but apparently they were 'lighter than air', 'like eating a kiss', 'absolutely incredible' and 'better than any madeline from a shop, ever'. i will hanker for those untasted madelines as long as i live. i made another batch the next day and i thought they were decidedly perfunctory. :(

cakes 1: cupcakes

cupcakes decorated with pink and white icing and alphabet letters and silver balls. DAMN but decorating cupcakes takes forever. i had not realised. still, they looked cute.

cakes 2: coffee and walnut

i totally burnt the stupid victoria sponge so we had to get a cake from a shop

cakes 3: fruitcake

my darling friend andrea bought a delicious fruit cake she made!

3) ambience

anyway, so that was about it, and it was awesome! it was one of the nicest parties i have had in ages. lots of people rubbed my bump which i totally don't mind at all, because i am a vile and hideous attention-seeker who loves physical contact, not one of those grouchy ladies who is all THEY ARE INVADING MY PERSONAL SPACE, OMGGGZZZZ GET THEM OFF ME. (but maybe i will become that in the final stages of pregnancy, who knows? i am already much changed: spent most of easter sunday locked in the bathroom sobbing on the floor after a fight with my mother, and all of my toughness has deserted me, and i am frail and vulnerable feeling like a woman is allegedly supposed to be according to historical annals of femininity, instead of all tough and nails and whooshy-haired and bike-riding like normal.)

4) people


and the best people came (not to disparage some of the awesome people who totally couldn't make it), including some new people, like jesse, who had a great swagger to her and a way of abruptly asking the most personal of questions that reminded me of my own knack for doing exactly the same, and sarah, who had a bewitching curl dangling beside her big green eyes which had the most enormous black pupils as though she was on ecstacy even though i am sure she was not, and my wife's new boyfriend, who had a wonderfully benevolent air, and and and! some old people (not old in age like moi but old like i have known them for a bit), like miranda with her auburn hair torrenting down her back, and janine who i have not seen for a hundred years who had her fringe in a curl and wore these thick false eyelashes that were speckled with GOLD, folks, actual GOLD, and alex who delivered me two shiny discs of 'ho-rap' for my stockholm listening pleasure, and - oh! everyone. it was fantastic.

5) ideas

one of the best things about parties is also talking to lots of people in short bursts. it's like the twitter of socialising. so janine interviewed me about zines and shit and i waxed lyrical about how rubbish it is to do a fanzine and be all nostalgic for the 90s in that way now that the internet has rendered everyone into a zinester. and now, in typical about-turn fashion, i have, after a morning spent perusing pagan kennedy's 'zine - how i spent six years in the underground and finally found myself - i think', decided that doing a 90s-style personal zine all photocopied black and white on paper would be THE MOST AWESOMEST THING EVER, so watch this space for ordering details (because i don't want to go on about, like, 'my birth story' on the internet where anyone could see it, but what larks it would be to go on about it - with DIAGRAMS! - on some bits of paper that only the amazingest / undergroundest of people could get to see?).

and then jesse was talking about the birthgasm blog post i did recently, and saying that apparently after orgasm women release some kind of morphine thing that means that post-orgasm their pain threshhold goes up by like 100%, and why is this, this is clearly for childbirth since that is what chicks have to do that dudes don't. so i have already corralled the babyfather into promising to make out with me during the labour since that is supposed to make it better, but clearly we will need to take things up a notch so i wonder if anyone will mind if a rampant rabbit accompanies me into the birthing room, i mean they're going to see my vag anyway so whatever right?)

and then with my wife and jesse and my wife's boyfriend we revisited the age-old 'should underground magazines have corporate sponsorship' and frances was like 'no' and i was like 'yeah, if it's cool', because i am a massive HO who loves MONEY and believes corporate shit SHOULD support underground shit, and if they steal / dilute your ideas then just have more, because we are cool and underground and creative and have a ton of ideas while they are dried-up old lechy dinosours who must suck idea lifeblood out of others for they have none of their own. but frances is HARDCORE like a magazine ed is supposed to be and thinks all sponsorship is evil so that is good also.

oh and the best idea of all was janine's, that we should all bascially up sticks and move to whitstable, for we are all growing tired of london, we are old and sick of nursemaiding the creativitity of others through being PRs and music journalists, and we should move to the country and work on our own projects instead. i have never been a one for this 'let's get out of london' bullstuffs, but suddenly, with a TINY CHILDE inside my stomach, i find myself wanting to, for if he grows up here on a poplar estate he will surely grow up into a gun-toting thug or at the very least a cocaine tooting shoreditch hipster by the age of approx 7 years old, and i cannot countenance my son being a cocaine tooting shoreditch hipster, at least not until he is like 17 or something.*

6) future plans

anyway, no social event is truly successful unless it spawns an immediate desire for more of the same. i'm back for the may bank holiday so plans are already afoot for the next tea-party. also i have no friends in bloody boring old stockholm so have to ruthlessly exploit the ones i have here. RSVP for guestlist!

btw: anti-flickr

this entry is in lieu of a flickr update of photographs, for i have grown weary of toting my camera at everyone, and it seems a little intrusive. i hope nobody mentioned here minds. i do not see why they would.

*=JK

Labels: , , , ,


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

22.3.08

FAT CHICK IN BEAUTY CONTEST SHOCKA!

Whoohoo! Kinda. But also totally not. A size sixteen maiden has reached the finals of Miss England for the first time.

Here she is on the delightfully patriotic Miss England website - she's Miss Surrey.

On the one hand it's like, hurrah, y'see, YOU SEE, fat chicks are not vile hose-beasts, they are sexy and hot and lovely, as I have maintained forevs.

And on the other, it's like, dude, it's a BEAUTY CONTEST, a vile and shallow and archaic ritual celebrating that most fleeting of attributes, what do you care if a fat chick gets in?

I guess we can applaud the judges of Miss Surrey for their unconventionality and kick in the face to narrow traditional beauty standards, while also bemoaning the vileness of beauty contests in general and praying for their immediate demise.

She won't win, anyway, but I wonder if they'll place her in the top three as a token 'we don't hate fat chicks, honest' statement? I guess we'll have to wait till the 17th June to find out. Watch this space!

PS - Mr England 2007 - o my godz! Who is judging this shit? I would love to interview the judges of Mr England 2008. And attend the contest. What larks! Please could some magazine commission me to do this. Thanks!

Labels: , ,


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

19.3.08

KEVIN BLECHDOM and GAY AGAINST YOU


Countdown to Nothing, by Kevin Blechdom


Look at Thursday night! Diamanda Galas is playing at the Royal Festival Hall, and now look what is happening at Bardens: Gay Against You AND Kevin Blechdom!!!!! I wish I could clone myself.

[view event info] [buy tickets]

Labels: ,


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

18.3.08

VINTAGE TATTOO BLANKET


This is too cute. Wow I wish I knew someone who was due to have a baby on May 28th. I'd totally get them a gift set containing blanket, burp cloths and bibs in this lovely vintage tattoo fabric, from Leo Designs. If only I could think of someone!

Labels: , , ,


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

14.3.08

WOMEN 'UNPREPARED FOR CHILDBIRTH'

Many women are going into labour vastly underestimating how painful it can be and overly optimistic that they will be able to manage without drugs, a study suggests.

[from bbc news]

Not me, buster. I am little miss TENS machine, as much nitrous as my lungs can handle, anything opiate-based and the earliest epidural they got. I ain't getting conned with no birth orgasm bullstuffs, nosiree. (Insert joke about 'I've never refused free drugs before so why stop now?' here.) For a while I considered an elective c-section because you get loads of morphine, but I've decided a line must be drawn somewhere, and I'd rather it wasn't drawn with a scalpel across my bikini line and through my uterus. But otherwise, BRING THE DRUGS man. I want to hire a midwife to help so that I don't have to have an episiostimy (that's when they basically cut a big hole from your cunt to your ass, everyone!) but I'm scared she'll try to make me not have an epidural. She won't, will she? Anyone had a midwife or doula? I want to know what I'm getting myself into...

Labels: , , , , ,


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

UNPLUGGED #1: EASY PEASY

befreeSuccess! Admittedly, I came home from my Swedish class, read a tiny bit of How To Be Free (how apposite!) and fell asleep at 10pm. But still. I did it! I unplugged! And when I woke up this morning, there were only four proper emails in my inbox (alerts from my friend Mr Google on the topics of 'feminism, gays, faghags and crisis of masculinity' are not included in this count), and none of them were more than one-liners or responses to my invite to my Easter tea-party. AMAZINGLY, THE INTERNET KEPT TURNING DESPITE MY ABSENCE. Whatever next?

Labels: ,


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

13.3.08

FIVE WAYS TO PREPARE FOR UNPLUGGED NIGHT


Planning to unplug for the night? This might help...

1) Clear the decks
Do not owe anybody any articles, features, columns, blog posts or anything that will require you to interact with a screen. You NEED to have ALL your work done and finished and handed in BEFORE unplugged night begins.

2) Activities
Plan an activity that will remove you from temptation's way. (Swedish class for me, followed by a drink with my co-pupils? That ought to do the trick.)

3) Pen and paper
If any idea occurs to you that really *must* be talked about online, scrawl it on with pen and paper for now. If it needs an image? Get thee away from Google Image Search and just *draw* the fucker on a bit of paper. You can even scan the thing in for a purely image-based blog post in the morning - not that accessible, but different.

4) Accentuate the positive
As a commenter on the last Unplugged post pointed out: focus on what you can do on Unplugged night, not what you can't. All the fun things I do that normally get tucked into tiny pockets of spare time (knitting, letter-writing, diary-writing - I tend to do all of these on the tube into work) can be done in comfortable luxury, in a cafe perhaps, or on a comfy sofa, not a horrid jiggly train. Added bonus - you won't get stared at like you do on public transport for daring to do something as OMGZ WAY OUT FREAKY (not) as knitting or writing (with an actual FOUNTAIN PEN - WTF IS THIS ANCIENT OBJECT).

5) Remember: It's not forever
This ain't like quitting smoking. It's ONE NIGHT. You can just go online again in the morning, immediately after waking, just like you normally do. You won't go cold turkey. You won't get DTs. Really important things are not normally conveyed by email anyway, right? Nobody emails going 'HELP I AM STUCK IN A WELL'. So relax; it's nothing permanent. It's just a couple of hours away from things with screens.
________________________________________

There you go. Admittedly, I have not yet managed to have a successful unplugged night yet, haha, so we'll have to see if my preparation tips actually work. But you know what? I'm feeling good about this one. I think I might actually be able to pull this off....

digg story

Labels: ,


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

11.3.08

UNPLUGGED #1: FAILING AT THE FIRST HURDLE

Shifted it to Tuesday, but. Spoke to sister on mobile phone. And I have to complete something for work before the morning. And so here I am, fucking it off again. Amazing. Tomorrow? No. Can't. Lost night. It involves TV. It's non-negotiable.

Ok. Thursday. That'll work. It's two hours between returning from my Swedish class and going to bed. We'll probably go for a drink anyway. I can do this.

Unplugged #1: This Thursday.
Screenless in Stockholm.
Can it be done?
Tune in to find out!

Labels:


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

CUTE LITTLE C*NT AND OVARIES FEMINISM LOVES YOU BADGE!


OMGZ, check this out: the feminism loves you pin badge! I mean, I totally hate badges and stuff but you can get this customised with your own name so it says FEMINISM LOVES AMP or whatever and L@@K! It has a tiny little cunt and ovaries on it! That's so cute. And gross. It's that perfect mix of cute and gross that sets my pulse a-racing!

[buy it from etsy] [link via craftycrafty]

Labels: , , ,


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

10.3.08

AMERICAN APPAREL ADS ALRIGHT BECAUSE THEY PROVE MODEL WAS ONCE HOT

"I think my nearly naked ads on the back covers of your magazines and newspapers are funny. When I am old and my metabolism gives up on my steady diet of cheese popcorn and my once-glorious boobs are no longer perfect, at least I will have the proof that once upon a time I didn't go to the gym and I was still pretty fucking hot."

O well, hurrah American Apparel model girl, that makes it (it being a. American Apparel's ads and b. Dov Charney's management style) all right then, doesn't it. Wonderful Copyranter puts it best: "Read the article, and think back fondly to a time in your life when you were such a naive little tabula rasa."

Labels: ,


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

RANDOM ROBYN SIGHTING



I suppose a good thing about living in Stockholm is that you can pop to the indie disco on a whim and see top pop pixie Robyn performing her NUMBER ONE IN BRITAIN (as they kept reminding us) single 'Every Heartbeat' completely unexpectedly. That was kind of cool. She really likes touching her tits! And she looked like a little pixie builder carpenter lesbian, which was cute. I should have videod more than the last 30 seconds, but I was too busy protecting my pregnant stomach from the pointy elbows of the whirling Swedo-dervish girl before me. They're broom-up-bum, these Swedes, but when they dance, they really DANCE.

Labels: , ,


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

UNPLUGGED NIGHT #1

Getting worried about unplugged night. I have a feature to write and I'm waiting for some answers from an interviewee that I NEED to have in order to finish the piece. Can I cheat to check for them? I guess this is because I only decided on unplugged night yesterday, so didn't have time to prepare properly. And because I'm a terrible deadline-surfer so HAVE to have the thing done tonight, rather than being a normal person who can just say 'Well, I have Ten Hundred Thousand Years Till Deadline, Because I Am So Good', and then go and smugly knit instead. O dearie me. Also, I've just remembered that unplugged night is supposed to involve no screens at all, not just a screen in another room that happens not to be connected to the internet. I think I might switch unplugged night to tomorrow, when I already have my Swedish class and don't get home till 9pm. I feel like that's cheating, but technically it is not, since unplugged night is all about connecting with the real world and real people, and learning Swedish is all about connecting with the real world and real people, or at least Sweden and Swedes, which is kind of the same thing, right?

Labels:


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

9.3.08

52 NIGHTS UNPLUGGED



Alright alright alright already. I'm doing it. Quit hassling me. I'M GETTING OFF THE INTERNET. For one night a week. Courtesy of 52 Nights Unplugged. 52 Nights is the brainchild of a chick called Ariel Meadows Stallings, who wrote a book about being an alternative bride, runs the Salon of Shame, where grownups gather to read out extracts of their teenage douchebag diaries, and is blogging about her unplugged escapades on her personal blog Electrolicious. Now she's set up 52 Nights Unplugged so we can all start doing it. Count me in! Mondays will be my night off and I'll be blogging about it here once I'm allowed to suckle mama internet's teats once more.

Labels: , ,


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

7.3.08

BIRTHGASM


Pregnant Mermaid, originally uploaded by John Carleton.

So there's this whole birthgasm thing going around, right? Natural birth types going on about how if you squeeze the childe out of your fanj you eventually get the most MEGA ENORMOUS RAINBOWTASTIC ORGASM YOU EVER HAD IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE, etc. And my friend Eleanor M said that after her child was born she felt this 'enormous rush of energy'. In fact everyone I know who has given birth without epidural seems quite positive about it, in contrast to everyone who has given birth in a hospital, had an epidural and then inevitably ended up in surgery anyway having a c-section to remove the placenta or the baby or whatever. (Please note, these are all in England which has an emergency c-section rate of about 1 in 4, compared to Sweden which is 1 in 10). Anyway. Yeah. Orgasmic birth. (And one more link for luck.) A reality worth going through 12-60 hours of agonising, unmedicated labour for? Or a potentially dangerous myth? If you have any experience of this, I'd love to know about it.

Labels: , , ,


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

6.3.08

MAKING NON-SPAMTASTIC NEWSLETTERS

I always feel guilty when I blog boring copywriting-type stuff on my ULTRA FUN LIKE WHOAH AMP BLOG but I'm gonna do it anyway:

Tips to keep your newsletters out of the spam filter

Because I can't be the only person in the world who supplements their fun-type low-paid writing with a little high-dollar corporate day job on the side, right? And if a job's worth doing it's worth doing well. ISN'T THAT RIGHT BOSS YES.

Labels: , ,


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

4.3.08

I HAVE A SMALL CRUSH



I don't know if I want to molest her, be her or just get involved in an overly intense girl-friendship with her that ends in us having a huge fight and stopping talking and then thinking / making songs / writing stories about each other for the rest of our lives. Probably all of them.

Labels:


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

HERE COMES THE SUN, DO-DO-DO-DOOOO

I am not going to moan about it. I am not. I am not. This is my biggest fear. That the sunshine will come: O ORANGE BALL IN THE SKY, HOW I SLAGGED YOU ALL MY LIFE, AND NOW I SEE THE ERROR OF MY WAYS: it will come and it will shine on Stockholm, and still, still, STILL my mouth will make the moaning-shape.

You would not believe it, but I am NOT a moany whiny horrible person. I am not. I am HAPPY, goddammit. At one of my jobs (I was an usherette in an art-house cinema. I wore a bright pink top and a green striped apron. I smelled of pick'n'mix and popcorn. I earnt £3.25 an hour. It was delightful) I was nicknamed the 'Sunshine Girl', because of my sunny demeanour.

Sure, I was also a dizzy little cunt to whom nothing particularly bad had ever happened (no break-ups, no disappointments, no fatuous copywriting jobs, parents still together, scholarship schoolgirl, star pupil, destined for greatness, you know the drill) but damn, there are enough people out there who fit the above criteria who still mooch around sucking down antidepressants like they're Haribo Tangfastics to make the above worthy of note.

What I am saying is: I am a happy bastard. You want fun, I bring the fun. That's what fuckers hire me for. In fact, at work I (seriously) get called into meeting rooms to discuss what is up if I fail to bring the happy to their office banter. (Being Swedes, they are incapable of generating it themselves, hence the need to import me.) I wear interesting outfits and o, yes, I am Witty and Delightful and A Bit Cutting Sometimes, but with a Cute Edge that Makes Everything A-OK. That is... I was.

I was till I came here. To the Darklands. To talk in rhyme. With all my mates back home on Messenger and absolutely nobody at all in the real world. And then the darkness did come, and the sun did not rise till 9am, and it was basically a horrid dusk until the sun slid wanly back under the horizon at 2.50pm every afternoon, and then my sunshiney demeanor basically fell off the edge of the planet to be replaced by:

ULTRAWHINGE.

Utlrawhinge with her ginger minge. Ultrawhinge hates everything, and Stockholm most of all. Ultrawhinge enters conniptions of rage when the sun sets. Ultrawhinge wails with fury when she looks at her watch and realises that, even though it has been dark for the last million years, it is only 6.20pm, not 11.20 and bedtime which is what it feels like. Ultrawhinge snarls when Londoners try to tell her that the sun sets really early in London too and they really can't see what the fuck she is complaining about. UltraWhinge is Bitchy Bitch on steroids, and I had no idea she was part of me until STOCKHOLM (boo hiss) bought her out.

But you know what? That's over now. The sun is BACK BACK BACK. It's gleaming, it's winnowing (whatever that is), it's burrowing into my retinas. It's streaming into the apartment and it's illuminating every single speck of dirt and dust and the disgusting mire with which I have surrounded myself for the last four depressing lonely months. And I'm scared. I'm so scared. I normally hate summer. Stockholm has punished me with winter, it has dragged ULTRAWHINGE AND HER GINGER MINGE out of some dark crevice inside of me. And now comes the sun. And then you know what happens after that? More sun. Then more sun. THEN MORE SUN.

AND THEN THE SUN SHINES LIKE 24 HOURS A DAY LIKE A CRAZY FUCKING ECSTASY PERSON WHO WON'T GET OUT OF YOUR FACE.

And what if ULTRAWHINGE hates that too?

What if I get trapped being ULTRAWHINGE?

This country, I tell you. It's got it in for me.

Labels: ,


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

PICTOBROWSER


Look at this awesome little tool that lets you display your Flickr sets on your website or blog posts! Get your own by clicking the 'Pictobrowser' link at the bottom right of the image.

Labels: , ,


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

GET DRUNK FOR FREE

... at art shows. Hurrah!

Here is a list of private views going on in London this week. It's reposted from Russell Herron's excellent mailout which you can sign up to by emailing russelljherron_at_googlemail_dot_com.

Read more...

Labels:


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

3.3.08

I AM A MASSIVE BLOG SLUT



Yes yes I am. I just can't get enough. I have to spread it around. Et cetera. I am doing a brand spanktastically new blog for Venuszine. It's an mp3 blog so it's ALL ABOUT MUSIC and NOT ABOUT ME. (What can I say - I like a challenge.) It's called Audio Files and it's published on the first Monday of every month. Check it out!

[Audio Files on new British Pop]

Labels: , , , ,


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

ROLLERGIRLS!



London Rollergirls take on the Glasgow Roller Girls on Saturday 29th March in Tottenham. This looks like super fun. I wish I wasn't a preggo with a metal leg and no tats and an inability to grow bangs, or I'd *so* become a Rollergirl! Good thing I like to watch.

[London Rollergirls website]

Labels: , ,


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

MISOGYNY FOR CHICKS

youmeanawomancanopenit
A pleasingly snarky, tongue-in-cheek look at all the ways in which dissing women (despite being female yourself) can help a girl get ahead. And give head, hahah! Because that's all most of us are good for! &c &c ad infinitum.

read more | digg story

Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

2.3.08

HEARTSCHALLENGER COME TO LONDON!

O you LUCKY LONDON BASTARDS, you're about to get a visit from HEARTSCHALLENGER this April. Do you think you like Crystal Castles? Well, they sound a bit like that, except, instead of having a heartless black-eyed hipster hellhound as a front person, they have an ICE CREAM TRUCK, look!



They are playing the obvious London hipster spots like The Old Blue and Club NME but if I were you or if I were me and not confined to this broom-up-bum city of BORINGNESS where NO ONE EVER DANCES, I would take myself south of the river on the 12 April to the Amersham Arms, a tiny pub in New Cross (near Goldsmiths) to dance myself silly instead. Anyway, you can hear them on their Myspace, or watch them here. Enjoy it if you go. I am not jealous at all.

Labels: ,


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

PLANNINGTOROCK AND HER MANY HATS

When you are procrastinating on shit there is nothing better to do than cruise YouTube for gems, and lo! I found one! It is the glorious, the masterful, the inspirational Planningtorock talking about her live performances and the customised hats she wears when she is doing them. Check it out:



If you ever get the chance to go and see her, I fully recommend it. She is so strange and awesome. She swishes around onstage in voluminous white satin clothes, twitching her hands, her voice with a whine like a Hoover, inhabiting persona after persona, from The Bolton Wanderer to a crazy voodootype who wants to eat her lover's body. She transcends gender - there is no prettiness here - just power and magic. Go to Emusic.com and use up those 25 free downloads you get to snap up her album, Have It All. You won't be disappointed. I mean, unless you are a cunt with terrible music taste. But then you are none of my concern.

Labels: ,


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|

BABY LOVE


Sorry for more baby-related stuff, not that I give a fuck, but I just read this personal essay on Nerve, and you should too.

Baby Love: My infant son became the other man.


Random quote:

"For someone who has, for better or worse, gotten strength and power from being desired, I am now operating unsuccessfully in two parallel universes. On one hand, I have never been so desired in my life. Felix ravages my breasts as no one else ever has. It's not sexual hunger, it's actual hunger.

Even now, at a year and half, he runs from across the room at the sight of them, tackles me onto the floor or couch, climbs up my body until he's within reach, then draws back and takes a good look, grins and goes in for the attack. People always say of breastfeeding, "It's sensual, not sexual."

But it is sexual. He nuzzles and paws at me, grunts, throws his head from side to side as he latches on, his pink mouth warm on my nipple. He tries to get as much as he can into his mouth as his whole body burrows into me, his little heels digging into my thighs and still-soft belly. He kneads the breast he's nursing from with his hand to get more milk, and uses his free hand to tweak, twist and pull on my other nipple. I wonder if he's holding onto it protectively, so no one else can get it.

Who would give up being needed like that? Not me. Because the opposite universe is the one in which no one wants me. I'm a mother; I have little to no value to the outside world."


It's an eye-wateringly honest, amazing essay.

I'm frightened.

Labels: , ,


Psst - Subscribe to AMPnet by RSS or email. It's simple and fun!

|
© AMP 2K+
 
THIS IS THE AMP BLOG

in-the-bathroom AMPNET is edited by AMP, a freelance writer from London. The site developed from a print fanzine called AMP MINIZINE. To find out more, please see our press section, or contact us.

ARCHIVES

RECENT COMMENTS

BLOGROLL
Keytars and Violins
Jessica Hopper
Dollymix
Fluxblog
Kieron Gillen
Unpop
UpsettheRhythm

CATEGORIES
FEMINISM
SEX
ZINES
MUSIC

RECENT POSTS
PLAN B = R.I.P
ON HIATUS
CHECK YR HEAD
SAYING HELLO TO DADDY
BIRTH STORY
GOT OUT JIMMY!
INDUCTION
WIKIPEDIA ENTRY
THE WHIZ BIZ
WORLD'S FIRST INSTANT MESSENGER INDUCTION

www.flickr.com
This is a Flickr badge showing public photos from ampster. Make your own badge here.


SUBSCRIBE BY EMAIL:

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner


SUBSCRIBE BY RSS: