18.5.05

London with bite

Good for Nothing is a lovely London style magazine and guess who wrote this month's cover story, all about Londoners' skanky molars and how hott and sexxy they are... ME!!!! So please pick one up from your local hipster emporium immediately, and read it and then send me a nice email if it entertained you (or nothing if you think it's shit, thanks). Yay!

Our dashing Jo-burg correspondent, Cocoa Beware, has sent in his top picks from Kottke's 50 things to do with your iPod:

Apple iPod Socks? Silly.

iTunes phone? Wow!

iPod based gourmet food recipe database.

And... an oldie but a goodie: Retropod! Stick your iPod in an old walkman to prevent thieves from stealing it.

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17.5.05

Hey ladies. Fasten up the pretty buckles on those ankle-mangling taxi shoes - an Andrex advertising promotion is offering free cabs for a week! Ok, you’ll have to suffer the indignity of riding in a vehicle which is lilac and white, looks like it's wrapped in a large quilt, and is bedecked with a giant puppy, but hey, I know you're tenacious and stylish enough to deal. Boys are allowed too, but only when accompanied by a female companion. Vrooom!

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16.5.05

It’s always good to have a eye-wateringly cute party trick to woo potential or recent lovers with, don’t you think? One boy I know broke hearts a-plenty with his origami roses, swans and, er, Viking war helmets. Another would make deer and small doggies from twisted paperclips, then hang them from the edges of drinks glasses, in order to woo the object of his affections. But if you personally lack such skills, do not fret! Learn how to draw hearts, hibiscus flowers, sunrises and clover leaves in the foam of your lover’s latte with this simple guide! People will be ripping their shirt-buttons off to reveal their enormous love-boners for you in next to no time.

Incidentally: I have a darling little anecdote published in The Guardian newspaper today. It's all about a haunted office chair - a chair which, I feel, was at least partially responsible for my broken leg. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: The Ejector Seat!

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15.5.05

Dead mother board.

My iBook appears to have succumbed to the apparently infamous Logic Board Death problem. Which means that AMPnet, barring this Blogger-powered page, is going to be rather static for the next three weeks. Bah. Broken legs, lost cameras, and dead computers - 2005 isn't turning out to be quite the fun-fest I had anticipated.

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10.5.05


DIY Writing: Online Journal Readings at The Horse Hospital, programmed by Amy Prior


0714531057.02.MZZZZZZZ Here's a thing for all those at a loose end tonight (Wednesday): A night dedicated to 'DIY Writing', and I'm not talking nuts and pulleys and u-bends, o no. It's a night of readings from online journals at the Horse Hospital, featuring my wife and Amy and some blond dude...


- Dickon Edwards, one of the first online journal writers in the U.K., reads excerpts from his cult diaries.
- Frances May Morgan, editor of music magazine Plan B, reads from her music weblog.
- Amy Prior reads her new fictional story based on texts by a Livejournal community.

Part of the launch for the book 'DIY: The Rise of Lo-fi Culture' by Amy Spencer (Marion Boyars).

Night with music, writers, DJs.

Wed 11 May
The Horse Hospital, Colonnade, London WC1
(nearest underground: Russell Square)
Doors open 7pm, readings at 8pm.

See you there!

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4.5.05

In today's Hilarious Dramatic Irony News, the world's least sexual band, BSP, have had their video banned by American MTV because the song includes the words 'wetter and wetter'. Violent / sexist / misogynistic rap videos? No problem. Five deerstalker-wearing milksops singing about the countryside? Waaaay too arousing for American youth. Wtf?

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"Ladyfest Brighton is a non-profit D.I.Y. festival taking place in various venues around Brighton on the 20th-23rd October 2005. Organised primarily by women for the benefit of the wider community, Ladyfest Brighton will showcase performances by bands, visual artists, fashion designers, writers, film-makers, dancers, zine kids, teachers, students and activists. With the first Ladyfest taking place in Olympia, Washington in 2000, and since speading to over 50 cities world-wide, Ladyfest Brighton joins a global movement of young women promoting women and queer based projects, arts and activism in their communities."

I'm always politically sceptical about festivals and exhibitions of diverse artforms and interests grouped solely on the protaganists' gender. I am Londoner, middle-class, curly-haired, ginger, and so on, just as much as I am woman, etc - you know the drill. However, as long as the line-up for major festivals still displays such a mega-bias towards the boys (check Glasto: the few femmes [Kylie, M.I.A., Martha Wainwright] stick out like neon beacons on a sea of generic grey), Ladyfest will remain essential.

It's not just about showcasing female artists and female culture: it's about encouraging girls to realise certain things are possible. What's a teenage girl at Glasto going to think? 'Hm, well, if I wanna be a musician I'd either better be a mussy-haired indie boy like one of the Cooper Temple Clause - oh dear, no good, I'm a chick, I'd better be a sexy Tamil Tiger or a pert-bottomed sex midget then - oh dear, no good, I'm a fat self-harming goth girl with a dodgy eye! Meh. I'm going to go to my tent and cry.' This may be (is) reductive, patronising, Riot Grrrl 101 - but it's not, it appears, without truth. Change is happening, but not fast enough. Check the cover of the NME. Check the line-ups of the major festivals. Check the record company rosters. Boy-tastic. Hence: Ladyfest.

I understand that Ladyfest Brighton is going to include a workshop or talk around women in journalism, but I'd be interested in seeing an event devoted to UK women in blogging - a mini-version of the forthcoming US BlogHercon. BlogHer will feature talks and discussions around female identity and blogging, link-based power structures, flaming, op-ed pieces by women, and 'getting naked in public' - 'What happens when you blog your true self and the whole world shows up?' A similar event exploring women and weblogging here in England is long overdue...

...At which point, in true DIY spirit, I have to say that I'd be interested in organising such a thing if I thought others would be up for it. Anyone? Drop us an email, let's see what we can do.

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2.5.05

01_01_2003_32_copy This summer, why not endeavour to make your Flickr more exciting by getting involved in the FakeFunk Jump Project? Nothing enlivens a boring old landmark like someone leaping, legs aloft like Dave Lee Roth, their face a gurning rictus of joy.

Ever wondered why the quality of your favourite internet message board seems to be dropping over the years you've been there? You could be yearning for a mythical 'golden age' which never really existed - or perhaps the participants' minds have been slowly dimming due to an email addiction more threatening to IQ and concentration levels than smoking weed...

Should you and a friend find youself involved in a difficult discussion - which pub to go to? The 'pregnant incest survivor in cowboy boots' or the 'amenorrheac Eastern European retired gymnast' look tonight? Shall we allow Sotheby's or Christies to handle the sale of our multi-million pound art collection? - why not decide it with a game of Paper Scissors Stone? Apparently it's all the rage in Japan.

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