Long before Becks was entertaining us with his text messages going 'SO ****, THINKING OF THE *****, I JUST WANT TO **** ** **** UP YOUR ****** AND *** ***' he was, rumour has it, doing vile and embarrassing things to Poor Posh with champagne bottles! Gosh. I don't know if it's true or not, but it's mildly amusing - and as we settle into another working week, we'll take what we can find, and if that means mild amusement and schadenfreude, then so it shall be.

Are there any graphic designers out there? There here is a special site just for you, called Font Fetish. You will love it. Graphic designers are so cute, aren't they, in an emotionally retarded sort of way.

And, ta-daaaaaaaAAAA, not that this site runs on nepotism or anything, but check out this website CHISKY.COM, made entirely by my friends Raz and Benway! God love 'em. This baby has been like a thousand years in the making and features excellent cartoons, bedsit recipes, a homage to slot machines and superstar Kevin Bacon's diary and stuff, so be sure to have a rummage around and send them some nice emails and ting. That is all really.

Oh, and I am not putting links in a new window any more because it takes forever and is a giant drag and everyone uses pop-up stoppers these days anyways. Kindly use the 'back' and 'forward' buttons on the top left corner of your browser window to navigate between this site and the linked site. I THANK YOU!


Tippety-top links for a Friday:

1) Dogs in Elk (best link EVER)
2) Bead me a shimmering dance (ta Raz)
3) The accidental porn video game archive
4) Flatmate du jour (sigh)
5) If you can't aim, don't hover.


we love dalston

Sorry we disappeared, not that you care. AMPnet upped sticks to a whole 'nother area of Dalston! Where they did not have the internet until, like, yesterday. Poor other part of Dalston! But now they have joined the future like the rest of us, and so, we are proud to be back online and be able to present:


So. First off. We are very happy to be able to introduce... Cex's COCK! Haha. No, what it is, Cex is doing the guest spot over at Playlouder, and has written 1000 words on the subject of cock size and male insecurity. Oh Cex! It is like as though he was your boyfriend or something, and you and he are sitting around in a bar, and he is pondering and pontificating and gazing into the air with his little eyes and his hands peeling off the label on his beer, and you, well, you're just watching his mouth.

Look at this Kolbunny thing. Just a collection of photographs, art, Flash, and drawings. Like a picture of his hot friend who is 'half Swahili and half Chink'. Or some things that have to be destroyed because he does not feel their trust (seven pictures of bits of... smoked salmon? cod? peppers?). Or pencil drawings of horses having rainbow orgasms. It's lovely.

And now: THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND EXCELLENT THING EVER. This thing, I swear. My god. It is as though they took a boy's brain - the excellent kind of boy, mind, not the rubbish kind - it is as though they took that kind of excellent brain and slit it open and pinned it down like butterfly in order that the whole world might benefit from what lies stored inside.

And what is that, you cry? It's this guide to electronic music. First off you get all the synths, with little samples, so you can hear what the defining sound of each genre was, and how the music got updated as the technology changed.

random boy making music Then, you get a map, plus timelines... And you click on a genre - say, electro - and see how it relates to hip-hop, and turntablism, and ghetto-tech, and miami bass. And each genre has a little description, and then five sound samples of some of the defining tracks from that genre. It's quite exquisite, not only because it's like some kind of Bluffer's (read: girl's) Guide To Electronic Music, for those of us who came late or stupid to the electronic partay - but also cuz it takes something that seems far too big and too formless and too incomprehensible and organic to handle, and turns it into a fucking *map*.

If you're anything like me, and become curiously flustered and joyous at the thought and sight of Venn diagrams - all that info pinned down just spread and waiting for our probing eyes - then this will give you a boner of immense magnitude. Respect is due.

And finally, something to do with said boner - a super-pretty pixel guide to hand jobs. Nice colours! (Work-safe? Nyah!)

Your face here? Send us some links!


Oh poor little Matt Dillon. Look at his sad little face. Why is he so sad? It is because his 1979 film Over the Edge has not had a video or DVD release! Make his little face do a happy smile by signing this very important petition for its immediate release.

I've been obsessed by the photography of Matthias Vriens ever since i found some issues of Dutch magazine a few years ago that he was creative director for. And I just found this interview with him onlined from an issue of Butt magazine i haven't got! Hooray for the internet. Hooray for Vriens.


As I'm sure you've noticed, Christmas is all over *does cry*. Never mind - let's send happy MONKEY POW!!! e-cards for the new year, which you design yourself and feature girls in red frocks doing kung fu on depresso monkey boys! (well, mine do). Alternatively, if you fancy creating an even more vicious superhero, you might try the wonderful Hero Machine. My one threw red and black lightening bolts! I think I love her.

The Onion does a chazzing-related story! Please to meet The Anonymous Hero Who Donated All Those Old Legwarmers To Goodwill. Speaking of chazzing - don't forget to check out our forthcoming Anti-Chazzing Manifesto: Why Bay Garnett Makes Us Want To Do A Sick. Coming soon. FACT!

Anyway, so what with it being all January and shit, you're probably making lots of resolutions about how never again will you do a bump of k and then attempt to run for a taxi while wearing fluffy moon boots like giant marshmallows on the ends of your suddenly-bendy legs, and stuff like that. Here, then, is something to help you maintain your resolve. They filled a man with acid and then made him do drawings, which are published here. Sample quote: "Upon completing the drawing the patient starts laughing, then becomes startled by something on the floor." Poor patient! I always wondered what went on at those medical trials.

Oh look: some man from The Guardian hates on iPods! Yeah whatevs, grandad. And you know that Paul Davis illustrator guy, whose work looks a bit like David Shrigley's but isn't? And is still really nice, like on all post-its and that? Well, here's his site. And finally, if you're stuck for something to do on Saturday night e.g. the 10th Jan, Mignon is playing at Club Motherfucker upstairs at the Garage, which could be fun, if you like that Berlin electro-karaoke kinda thing...

Your face here? Send us some links!

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