19.4.08

KNITTED TIE

I decided to knit something more complex than a scarf. Thought I'd make Jimmy a little Fair Isle tank top, in Opal yarn, a la Seth Cohen, that he could wear over t-shirts and stuff. *Big mistake*. Long thin metal needles. Grey wool. It was like knitting a smoker's lung. I went off knitting after that. Shame. But this? (Not for the baby. For adult males. Or sexy boyish females.) A knitted tie! Wow. I'm still a sucker for boys in ties. And a knitted tie will be even easier and quicker than a scarf! Hurrah, again, for knitting.

[Knitted tie,
from Dropped Stitches.]

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5.1.08

AMP PRESENTS:


AMP PRESENTS:, originally uploaded by ampster.

we made a new fanzine! it's written, illustrated and designed by some of my favourite people, and it's about GAY PORN (suprise!)

email amp.minzine@gmail.com to find out how to get your copy!


'Fave Gestures in Porn'
Text: Andrew Johnston
Images: Raz Webster
Design: Miranda Iossifidis
A6 booklet / 4 pp + A4 poster

Random quote (from 'Landed-Fish Orgasm'): "His eyes are going like roulette balls. Gasps halfmoon his mouth. Four more thrusts initiate the involuntary gesture: his head jerks back as though God, fishing from a cloud, has cast a hook through his top lip and tugged."

Random quote (from 'Hand-Halo Suckoff'): "The gap represents Straightboy's intact heterosexuality: to close it, and thus to make physical hand-to-head contact, would be to seal a homosexual fate. As long as he lets it hover, he's straight, he's straight, he is, he's straight."

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29.12.04

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Apparently, petism is the sexuality of the future - and looking at this hot poppa on the left, I can see why! Looking for someone in your area with a suitable pet? Why not try BeastMatch! For a limited time only, single females can get free lifetime's access to the BeastMatch service! Hurry, AMPnet readers. Whatever are you waiting for? (Not safe for work.)

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While I'm all in favour of women's lib, sometimes I feel like it's only fair to make the gentlemen do the heavy lifting and taking out the rubbish and drilling, because we have to have the babies, which hurts and makes our tits sag, and because men are stronger than us, and because statistics show they still only do a comparatively smaller amount of household chores than women, even when both parties are working. And they really ought to be made to do something. Unfortunately, occasionally there are no gentlemen around to lift things up and mend them, at which point you'll need to consult tomboytools.com, and learn how to do shit yourself.

The site offers everything you'll need to learn to know how to knock down walls and do various other home improvement jobs, and they also sell tool-kits specially for chicks. However, unlike most traditionally male stuff that gets marketed to women (Gameboy Advance, anyone? Mini iPod?) they didn't just stick a candy-coloured veneer on said tools, but customised them to fit women's dinky li'l hands and made them lightweight, durable - and definitely not pink. They also run workshops and there's a useful forum to discuss DIY-related shit without some cowboy builder patronising your ass off. So throw away that gey little crochet hook, crafters, grab a pneumatic drill, and start KNOCKING SHIT TO BITS instead.

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Sure, we've all been jokingly calling Google 'God' for a while now, right? But this is just… frightening. You start typing in what you're looking for, and Google provides a list of suggestions and shows how many results there are for each suggestion as you type. Brr! I don't like it if I'm typing some perverted crap (purely as research, officer!) into Google's little box and it gets there before me. Google's starting to feel less like a benevolent, omniscient being, and more like some creepy uncle who's read your diary, knows all your shit, and is not afraid to use it against you.

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