16.5.05

It’s always good to have a eye-wateringly cute party trick to woo potential or recent lovers with, don’t you think? One boy I know broke hearts a-plenty with his origami roses, swans and, er, Viking war helmets. Another would make deer and small doggies from twisted paperclips, then hang them from the edges of drinks glasses, in order to woo the object of his affections. But if you personally lack such skills, do not fret! Learn how to draw hearts, hibiscus flowers, sunrises and clover leaves in the foam of your lover’s latte with this simple guide! People will be ripping their shirt-buttons off to reveal their enormous love-boners for you in next to no time.

Incidentally: I have a darling little anecdote published in The Guardian newspaper today. It's all about a haunted office chair - a chair which, I feel, was at least partially responsible for my broken leg. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: The Ejector Seat!

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