29.12.04

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Apparently, petism is the sexuality of the future - and looking at this hot poppa on the left, I can see why! Looking for someone in your area with a suitable pet? Why not try BeastMatch! For a limited time only, single females can get free lifetime's access to the BeastMatch service! Hurry, AMPnet readers. Whatever are you waiting for? (Not safe for work.)

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While I'm all in favour of women's lib, sometimes I feel like it's only fair to make the gentlemen do the heavy lifting and taking out the rubbish and drilling, because we have to have the babies, which hurts and makes our tits sag, and because men are stronger than us, and because statistics show they still only do a comparatively smaller amount of household chores than women, even when both parties are working. And they really ought to be made to do something. Unfortunately, occasionally there are no gentlemen around to lift things up and mend them, at which point you'll need to consult tomboytools.com, and learn how to do shit yourself.

The site offers everything you'll need to learn to know how to knock down walls and do various other home improvement jobs, and they also sell tool-kits specially for chicks. However, unlike most traditionally male stuff that gets marketed to women (Gameboy Advance, anyone? Mini iPod?) they didn't just stick a candy-coloured veneer on said tools, but customised them to fit women's dinky li'l hands and made them lightweight, durable - and definitely not pink. They also run workshops and there's a useful forum to discuss DIY-related shit without some cowboy builder patronising your ass off. So throw away that gey little crochet hook, crafters, grab a pneumatic drill, and start KNOCKING SHIT TO BITS instead.

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Sure, we've all been jokingly calling Google 'God' for a while now, right? But this is just… frightening. You start typing in what you're looking for, and Google provides a list of suggestions and shows how many results there are for each suggestion as you type. Brr! I don't like it if I'm typing some perverted crap (purely as research, officer!) into Google's little box and it gets there before me. Google's starting to feel less like a benevolent, omniscient being, and more like some creepy uncle who's read your diary, knows all your shit, and is not afraid to use it against you.

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