pile of swiffer merchandise

The Swiffer (Procter and Gamble)

The Swiffer is shaped like a broom, but instead of stiff spikes, it has a smooth metal bottom. To this you affix a 'special magnetic cloth' to which dust and hairballs stick.

And it's ace. Less palaver than a hoover. Less bending than a dustpan and brush. Plus, it has an added 'ergh!' shock factor. Whereas a hoover sucks all the dust up so you can never see it again, all the dirt sticks to the cleaning cloth and it's DISGUSTING. And everyone knows disgusting stuff is INTERESTING, which cleaning very rarely is.

Never before has a brand name entered the vocabulary of the AMP household quite as quickly as the new verb 'to Swiff'. For example: 'Come here and wash up you lazy bitch!' 'Can't! I'm SWIFFING!'

It's strange when a huge corporation like Proctor and Gamble creates a product which genuinely makes you happy. It's like an unsolicited compliment from a usually mean person: it takes you aback slightly, turns your world view off-kilter. I feel like a fifties housewife whose husband's just bought her a washing maching. Dazed. Nonplussed. And very, very grateful.

Miss AMP, 25 October 2000

[2003 update: I broke our beloved Swiffer in a cleaning-related temper tantrum at some point in 2002. Sob.]



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wHy i h8 nU mEtAl tEeNz, bY mIsS aMp

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Ten Benson
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