The Swiffer (Procter and Gamble) The Swiffer is shaped like a broom, but instead of stiff spikes, it has a smooth metal bottom. To this you affix a 'special magnetic cloth' to which dust and hairballs stick. And it's ace. Less palaver than a hoover. Less bending than a dustpan and brush. Plus, it has an added 'ergh!' shock factor. Whereas a hoover sucks all the dust up so you can never see it again, all the dirt sticks to the cleaning cloth and it's DISGUSTING. And everyone knows disgusting stuff is INTERESTING, which cleaning very rarely is. Never before has a brand name entered the vocabulary of the AMP household quite as quickly as the new verb 'to Swiff'. For example: 'Come here and wash up you lazy bitch!' 'Can't! I'm SWIFFING!' It's strange when a huge corporation like Proctor and Gamble creates a product which genuinely makes you happy. It's like an unsolicited compliment from a usually mean person: it takes you aback slightly, turns your world view off-kilter. I feel like a fifties housewife whose husband's just bought her a washing maching. Dazed. Nonplussed. And very, very grateful. Miss AMP, 25 October 2000 [2003 update: I broke our beloved Swiffer in a cleaning-related temper tantrum at some point in 2002. Sob.]

Angie Reed Presents Barbara Brockhaus: Barbara Brockhaus is a saucy secretary who makes very good electro-karaoke records... May 2003 Rekkid Reviews: Zeigenbock Kopf, Numbers, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Maximilian Hecker, The Darkness. Guess which is the odd one out because it sucks SO HARD!!!??!!??!! Plus: WIN the Yeah Yeah Yeahs album! wHy i h8 nU mEtAl tEeNz, bY mIsS aMp Death to those with pink hair and massive strides and self-inflicted scarz! Gonzales Miss AMP gets overly excited by a big hairy Jewish rapper. The Gold Chains Guide to Treating Your Lady's Coochie Like A Maze Learn from the master, peasants! Le Tigre: They're Grrrrrrrrreat! No drummer, just a dat, some samples, and three kick-ass muscians /art activists. Yay! Reviews: Things That Do Not Suck Magazines beginning with the letter 'C'. Saf Sees Iggy Saf checks out an exhibition of Iggy Pop pictures at the Scala club in London Ten Benson Suki gets a boner under heavy riffage. The Runaways Riffs! Eyeliner! Oestrogen! Joe Pop on the greatest girl-group EVA! Whilst tripping off his tits at 3am, Brian Wilson bought a telescope shop, because it pissed him off that there were no telescope shops open at that time of night. Rrriight.