The internet has exploded, the economy is bouyant. Hell, even the tea-boy's on fifteen pounds an hour. But you're not. Maybe you're a student. Or an artist. Or you've just lost your job. Maybe you simply have more things to do than you have money to pay for. Whatever. You are a povvo. What should you DO?

 

 


Do not fret. Charlie Lucas is here to help. Trendsetter, troubleshooter, and queen of the skint army: once you've read her Skint FAQ you will know how to wear your poverty with pride, like a precious jewel.

 

So. You're skint. There, there. I know. It isn't fair. Why weren't you born with a trust fund? How come you missed the boat on the dot com boom? I know, honey, I know. Let it all out. Here you go, use my hankie. Let's have a hug. Ahhhhhhhhh.

Right. You're poor. So am I. Which is just dandy in a recession, but less so when even the cheapest people are wearing Helmut Lang. Notice how the fash mags have stopped going on about charity shopping and car-boot-sales? Now we're all supposed to look like the divas from Sex and The City. I'm talking three-hundred dollar shoes. Now now, don't start crying again, please. Forget the shoes. Listen up.

It's easy to be stylish with cash. Anyone can do that. But it takes a special kind of person to be cashless with style. And that's you, baby! You've got to square up to your skint status. Deep breath. Now slouch, baby, slouch! Insouciant! Slinky! Skint as fuck! Come on, baby. Let's do this. Let's FAQ.

Eek! I am poor! What should I do?

Firstly, I want you to remember this. There's no such thing as change. There's just rebranding. A shift in circumstance? A different job? A major life stage, like turning thirty? Rebrand yourself, honey!

You, my dear, are not poor. You are Nouveau Povvo. The Nouveau Povvo combines the confidence, the elan, of the very rich, with the low-down nasty cool of the very poor. It's very, very now. Better than now. It's Nouveau!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

Should I change my circle of friends?

Yes. Now is, perhaps paradoxically, the time to make some seriously rich friends. Your poverty will seem refreshing and sparkling to them. Exploit this. Mutter darkly about integrity and selling-out. This works particularly well on people who wanted to be 'writers' but have somehow become 'content providers'. Mention Nabakov and wonder if he would have agreed to write 'short snappy sentences' and to capitalise the first letter of every word because it 'draws the eye in'. Watch the content provider shudder! Then let them get the drinks in!

In what ways should I, as a Nouveau Povvo, modify my behaviour?

Don't eat out. Eating in restaurants is only a cover for drinking anyway, so skip the middle-man and consume those lovely, empty, intoxicating, dizzymaking alcohol calories exclusively. Cash will be saved and fun will still be had. Pretend you are dieting.

 

 

Apart from the glamour of being Nouveau Povvo, are there any advantages to being skint?

No.

How do povvos dress?

A skilled povvo will dress no different to a ritchie, save that her jeans will not have those ugly Evisu screenprints down the arse. No, you don't want to paint them on. Customisation is old news. Is there a must-have trend of the moment? A hot item for the season? Then just ignore it. Who cares, really? Do not comment if anyone you know wears it: do not secretly covet the item; do not enter the shop and try it on 'just to see how it looks'. Just forget about it. Easy. This season's 'must have' is next season's 'no, I was far too cool to get into that super-obvious trend', anyway. You're just ahead of the pack as usual, sweetie. Povs always are.

I'm not really poor though! I've got credit cards!

Oh please. Give them to me - I'm cutting them up. C'mon, hand them over. Yes, and that one too. Do not attempt to compensate for your povvo status by flexing the plastic. Estupido in extremis, dearie. Chuck them away. You think they're convenient for buying tickets over the phone? Tsk! You're a povvo, remember? Get blagging!

What if I get rich again? Can I still be Noveau Povvo?

Of course not. You can't have everything. Run along now!

 

[sleaze home] [flatmates from hell] [low-to-no-fi]

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE SLEAZE GUIDE TO LO-FI LIVING

A L S O  O N  S L E A Z E

 

A Eunuch - the Ideal Man?
He's gentle and he likes foreplay. But he's got no balls. Welcome to the world of the voluntary eunuch.

 

The Ugly Guy
Fat. Stinky. Ugly, String vest. Mmm-mmm. My kind of guy.
By Suki.

 

Drugs are Nice
Well, that's what Lee the E says. And she should know.

 

In a recent survey, 50% of women under 25 admitted they had thrown up whilst on a night bus. Not that that's anything to be proud of, mind. Not at all.

 


 


 

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