AVENUE D put the boot into booty
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'Maybe it's these outfits we wear? I mean, I can see your boobies...'

So what's so special about Avenue D? Well, first off, they dance - grabbing their ankles, doing the 'bootyshake' - with a confidence society normally only permits in supermodels, not normal girls with ungymmed bodies and tummies and hips, and that's a beautiful thing to watch. But mainly - there's the sex.

Beyond proud to be 'freaky bitches', Debbie and Daphne are two of the rudest, sluttiest girls I've ever heard committed to record. Nono, - forget Peaches: these two take it way further. Think instead of the 1992 Yeastie Girls/Consolidated track 'You Suck' and multiply it by a million: imagine that the chicks from Max Hardcore films or throatpokers.com were a) secretly into it and b) given voice to a soundtrack of ghetto-tech, and you're almost there.

'It's not that we're saying anything new about female sexuality, or rough sex,' says Daphne down a crackling phone line from NYC. 'This has been discussed and written about before. But it hasn't been rapped about. It hasn't been shouted about! Sometime you don't want all that candles and massage stuff. Sometimes, you just need to be thrown down.'


Avenue D sing in the petulant voices of girls who've spent too much time with men who, in the words of viceland.com's Guide to Everything, [read the bit about mean sex!] 'got so scared of all that 'No Means No' LUG (lesbian until graduation) talk that they fuck like babies now'. Avenue D have had enough of wussy emo boys who dawdle, flirt and prevaricate when what they really want is someone who'll bang the living shit out of them.

'Stick It In' starts with the girls swooning over a boy who is 'so dreamy, so fucking hot' and always 'so nice, like the other day he was telling me how pretty I was, and how much he liked my ass', before whispering that sometimes…sometimes… they wish that he would just -- [and then the song explodes in a hardcore techno-gabba-bass noisegasm] -- 'STICK IT IN! SHUT UP AND STICK IT IN!'

 

'i don't really care
if you don't come
but you better stay hard
until I'm done!'

 

 

Meanwhile, 'Too Drunk to Fuck' sums up a typical modern girl dilemma: what happens when the party spirit that so attracted you to your boy threatens to ruin your sex life?

'Don't pass out going down on me
or I'll wake you up with a mouthful of pee
I don't really care if you don't come
but you better stay hard until *I'm* done!'

And then there's the rudest one of the bunch, 'Punk Song', which sees the girls topping from the bottom in fine style. 'Punk Song' is an instruction manual for men who can't stick it in and fuck like babies:

Fuck me hard / pull my hair /grab my neck
fill me up with cum and sweat
I don't give a shit /come on my tits
make me twitch /I'm a dirty bitch

Beat me beat me beat me up
in your rusty pick-up truck
Throw me down/ treat me rough
don't come till I've had enough!

 

'Hell, I don't give a damn about my 'reputation'. '

Of course, the traditional way (and still in use today, folks!) of policing female sexual behaviour is to deploy the word 'slut' - but Avenue D already got that one covered. How did 'Do I Look Like A Slut' come about?

'We were performing onstage, wearing our outfits, dancing around, all the usual stuff', says Daphne, 'and there were these two girls by the front of the stage, and, throughout the whole gig, they just yelled 'SLUT! SLUT! SLUT! SLUT!' at us. And then we got offstage and were like, I can't believe they were saying that… and then we looked at each other, our tits sticking out and that, and we were like… wait, actually - I can totally believe that! And we just wanted to do a song exploring that whole issue.'

So what next? Avenue D are due to release their new single 'The Sex That I Need', a collaboration with rapper Cazwell, on Rough Trade records later this year. It's an ode to a man who knows 'to squeeze the 34Bs until I can't breathe', and its got a breezy little chorus ('this is the kind of man that I want / this is the kind of sex that I need') guaranteed to be slipping round inside your skull next time you get 'hit from the back with a rough-rider attitude' by a man who knows how to stick it in. With 'Do I Look Like A Slut' already a massive London club hit, it surely can't be long now till the stripy-topped uptight ladies of Camden Town blossom into rapacious, fat-bootied sexual outlaws with lions' heads attached to their chests. I can hardly wait!


 


A bra top made from a padded valentine's card, embroidered with 'I LOVE YOU' in big twirly script, and finished with red broiderie anglaise. Tubes of penne pasta painted gold and threaded together into chainmail mesh tops with hexaganol holes the size of fists. White stripper shoes and chunky black football socks. Neon green spandex salopettes and a fringed Chigaco Bulls t-shirt.

Last season's demure yawn-fest looks so 'oh no no' right now. Instead: think nipple pasties. Think asphyxia. Think deep-throating. Think face-slapping. Think poppers, codeine, lube and a bag of grass: think blatant, think subversive, think disgusting, think perverted. Think. Don't think. Shut up. And stick it in.

Further information:

www.avenued.com

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