A M P : : : R O C K

barbara brockhaus is like a spicy pepper. She's dressed all in red: red pencil skirt, red high heels up to *here* - and she's got a bossman on the end of each finger. Sucking. That's a good look. Barbara's a secretary, and she hates her job, but at least she's got the bossmen down where she wants them.

But, oh!
Babs isn't a *real* secretary, with rent to pay and a women's magazines to read on the 67 bus and all that. No, Babs is a creation of the newest member of Berlin's electro-karaoke cabaret, Angie Reed. Pally with Peaches, flirtsy with Gonzales, you know the rest, Angie Reed's new album picks up the gauntlet where the Teaches of Peaches left off.

Minimal syntho-beats!
We're talking minimal syntho-beats and Ms Reed crooning tales taken from Barbara's debauched fantasy life in a sing-song, Italian-American Betty Boop kinda squeal.

Dark-skinned princes!
So she dreams of dark-skinned princes in 'Habibi', a windy little slice of Arabic sleaze-pop, about hairy jungle gigolo cannibals about to tie her up, put her in the pot and EAT her in 'Jungle Gigolo', featuring Chilly Gonzales' finest filthy performance since, um, his lat fine filthy performance five minutes ago in my head.

Crap typing!
She raps about just what a shit secretary she really is, leaving dirty coffee stains on important documents and chucking all her crap typing in the bin. A girl after my own heart, then. Angie Reed, let's chat!

Ok. So Barbara Brockhaus – secretary...

Babs is like this... pepper. This spicy pepper.

Does she like her job?

She hates her job! But she adapts to it, you know? She has a rich fantasy life. She keeps herself entertained. She does her drawings and stuff... she gets through it. A lot of Barbera's fantasies come from women's magazines. Quite traditional –

Ah, hence the Arab prince thing...

Yeah! The record plays with roles – macho roles and women's roles. I think it's more critical towards men. The structure that things work in, that we all have to manoeuvre in…

What's that song Psychic Dick about? Some kind of dirty bad man?

The Psychic Dick is like a gigolo. Like a Don Juan character. You know how they say that guys have two heads? Like, the big head, and the little head? Well, he's a guy who thinks with his little head the whoooole time. Thinks with his dick. And he can tell when you're over him. As soon as you're ready to move on, made up your mind, maybe thinking about getting with someone else, that's when he really moves in on you, plays with you. He lives off your psycic turmoil. And your money.

Hm. Arabic princes, hairy jungle gigolos… do you like the dark-haired boys?

Dark-haired boys? I LOVE dark-haired boys! Mmmm. Especially if they're tall. I like hairy boys too. Lots of girls are like, ew, HAIR! But not me. I'm tired of the boyish type. I'm so sick of that geeky-nerdy thing. But the real strong type, ooh, they're so hard to find!!!! I was watching this movie the other day, and there was this guy in it, real deep voice, really taking control, and I was thinking ARGH, WHERE ARE THE MEN LIKE THAT??? They're all so full of fear.

Yeah, and Berlin hipster boys are all so smooth-skinned, black-framed geeky glasses....

Yes! And I'm so sick of that! Besides, they're the ones that fuck you up... the ones that run away. I want to find somebody worth fighting for.

Like, ooh, Gonzales? He's big and hairy and tall and strong and dark-haired and…

God, he's ideal. Have you SEEN his EYES? Mmm, he's lovely. And so talented. But, y'know. Too close to home.

O yeah? So you wouldn't go there?

Weeeelll, it's not that I wouldn't go there, nono... but hey, this is goin' on a website! I can't just say stuff like that.

You know, this friend of mine, when she has a boring corporate office job, one of her favourite things to do is nip to the bogs for a wank. She calls it 'psycho-sexual revenge on the suits.' Would Barbara do that?

Heh heh heh. She certainly wouldn't be afraid to go to the bathroom and take care of herself. Though maybe she'd go for the next boy along, or the next secretary...

Yeah, but sometimes that ain't practical.

True. Ah, she'd be real good at taking care of herself. Maybe she'd go down to the car park – y'know, the basement car park, really dark and cold, and do it there.

That's style.

Yeah. Actually, the ultimate would just be to do it at your desk, wouldn't it. Under your desk.

Where will Barbera be when she's fifty?

Well, she'll still be a secretary. But she'll be... I see her on a BOAT. On a YACHT. She'll be like, the boss secretary. The secretary of the top boss. She'll be on the boat, but still a secretary. But she'll be the captain of the boat.

And you?

I just wanna keep making music. I got all this equipment and a bunch of ideas for new characters, and I just wanna keep making that dirty, dirty music.

Angie Reed Presents The Best of Barbara Brockhaus - Music for the LaZy and Not the BureaurcraZy! is out now on Chicks on Speed Records.

Angie Reed Presents Barbara Brockhaus:
Barbara Brockhaus is a saucy secretary who makes very good electro-karaoke records...

May 2003 Rekkid Reviews: Zeigenbock Kopf, Numbers, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Maximilian Hecker, The Darkness. Guess which is the odd one out because it sucks SO HARD!!!??!!??!! Plus: WIN the Yeah Yeah Yeahs album!

wHy i h8 nU mEtAl tEeNz, bY mIsS aMp
Death to those with pink hair and massive strides and self-inflicted scarz!

Gonzales
Miss AMP gets overly excited by a big hairy Jewish rapper.

The Gold Chains Guide to Treating Your Lady's Coochie Like A Maze Learn from the master, peasants!

Le Tigre: They're Grrrrrrrrreat!
No drummer, just a dat, some samples, and three kick-ass muscians /art activists. Yay!

Reviews: Things That Do Not Suck
Magazines beginning with the letter 'C'.

Saf Sees Iggy
Saf checks out an exhibition of Iggy Pop pictures at the Scala club in London

Ten Benson
Suki gets a boner under heavy riffage.

The Runaways
Riffs! Eyeliner! Oestrogen! Joe Pop on the greatest girl-group EVA!

Whilst tripping off his tits at 3am, Brian Wilson bought a telescope shop, because it pissed him off that there were no telescope shops open at that time of night. Rrriight.


	barbara brockhaus is like a spicy pepper. She's dressed all in red: red pencil skirt, red high heels up to here - and she's got a bossman on the end of each finger. Sucking. That's a good look. Barbara's a secretary, and she hates her job, but at least she's got the bossmen down where she wants them.
		But, oh! Babs isn't a real secretary, with rent to pay and a women's magazines to read on the 67 bus and all that. No, Babs is a creation of the newest member of Berlin's electro-karaoke cabaret, Angie Reed. Pally with Peaches, flirtsy with Gonzales, you know the rest, Angie Reed's new album picks up the gauntlet where the Teaches of Peaches left off. Minimal syntho-beats! We're talking minimal syntho-beats and Ms Reed crooning tales taken from Barbara's debauched fantasy life in a sing-song, Italian-American Betty Boop kinda squeal. Dark-skinned princes! So she dreams of dark-skinned princes in 'Habibi', a windy little slice of Arabic sleaze-pop, about hairy jungle gigolo cannibals about to tie her up, put her in the pot and EAT her in 'Jungle Gigolo', featuring Chilly Gonzales' finest filthy performance since, um, his lat fine filthy performance five minutes ago in my head. Crap typing! She raps about just what a shit secretary she really is, leaving dirty coffee stains on important documents and chucking all her crap typing in the bin. A girl after my own heart, then. Angie Reed, let's chat!

		Ok. So Barbara Brockhaus – secretary... Babs is like this... pepper. This spicy pepper. Does she like her job? She hates her job! But she adapts to it, you know? She has a rich fantasy life. She keeps herself entertained. She does her drawings and stuff... she gets through it. A lot of Barbera's fantasies come from women's magazines. Quite traditional – Ah, hence the Arab prince thing... Yeah! The record plays with roles – macho roles and women's roles. I think it's more critical towards men. The structure that things work in, that we all have to manoeuvre in… What's that song Psychic Dick about? Some kind of dirty bad man? The Psychic Dick is like a gigolo. Like a Don Juan character. You know how they say that guys have two heads? Like, the big head, and the little head? Well, he's a guy who thinks with his little head the whoooole time. Thinks with his dick. And he can tell when you're over him. As soon as you're ready to move on, made up your mind, maybe thinking about getting with someone else, that's when he really moves in on you, plays with you. He lives off your psycic turmoil. And your money.
Hm. Arabic princes, hairy jungle gigolos… do you like the dark-haired boys? Dark-haired boys? I LOVE dark-haired boys! Mmmm. Especially if they're tall. I like hairy boys too. Lots of girls are like, ew, HAIR! But not me. I'm tired of the boyish type. I'm so sick of that geeky-nerdy thing. But the real strong type, ooh, they're so hard to find!!!! I was watching this movie the other day, and there was this guy in it, real deep voice, really taking control, and I was thinking ARGH, WHERE ARE THE MEN LIKE THAT??? They're all so full of fear.
		Yeah, and Berlin hipster boys are all so smooth-skinned, black-framed geeky glasses.... Yes! And I'm so sick of that! Besides, they're the ones that fuck you up... the ones that run away. I want to find somebody worth fighting for. Like, ooh, Gonzales? He's big and hairy and tall and strong and dark-haired and… God, he's ideal. Have you SEEN his EYES? Mmm, he's lovely. And so talented. But, y'know. Too close to home. O yeah? So you wouldn't go there? Weeeelll, it's not that I wouldn't go there, nono... but hey, this is goin' on a website! I can't just say stuff like that. You know, this friend of mine, when she has a boring corporate office job, one of her favourite things to do is nip to the bogs for a wank. She calls it 'psycho-sexual revenge on the suits.' Would Barbara do that? Heh heh heh. She certainly wouldn't be afraid to go to the bathroom and take care of herself. Though maybe she'd go for the next boy along, or the next secretary... Yeah, but sometimes that ain't practical. True. Ah, she'd be real good at taking care of herself. Maybe she'd go down to the car park – y'know, the basement car park, really dark and cold, and do it there. That's style. Yeah. Actually, the ultimate would just be to do it at your desk, wouldn't it. Under your desk. Where will Barbera be when she's fifty? Well, she'll still be a secretary. But she'll be... I see her on a BOAT. On a YACHT. She'll be like, the boss secretary. The secretary of the top boss. She'll be on the boat, but still a secretary. But she'll be the captain of the boat. And you? I just wanna keep making music. I got all this equipment and a bunch of ideas for new characters, and I just wanna keep making that dirty, dirty music. Angie Reed Presents The Best of Barbara Brockhaus - Music for the LaZy and Not the BureaurcraZy! is out now on Chicks on Speed Records.