Wednesday 27 February 2002

Hair. Tweak, twist, twirl. Poke. Pull. Make stand up. Pull down again. Tuck behind ear. Pull in front of ear. Bouf up. Flatten down. Nag nag nag nag nag nag NAG.

Writing. Oh read me! Read me! say the words in whiny, put-upon British boy child accent. Write me! Write me! Move those fucking fingers! No, not good enough, say the words! We are going to lie here pale and limpid and boring and dead, hah. Screw you bitch, say the words, try as you like, type as you like, we'll not dance for you for anything. Fuck you words, fuck you fuck you fuck you, when I finally manage to create you imma sock you in da face and yank y'bitch hairs till you fuckin' squeal, yo.

Music. La la la! La la la! Bleep! Twang! Thrum! says the music. Listen to us, say the CDs, snug in their smug jiffy bags. Listen to us! Write about us! Play us! Give us attention! Greedy bloody bastardy little fuckers. Shiny little shits. I kick you.

Readers. Oh we love you! We love you! Write more! Do more! More! Why haven't you done it yet! Do it when I tell you! Do it more! Give me more! Just open your purse right now, let me feel around, see what you got in there! No notes? Gimme fuckin' notes bitch.

Is this what it feels like to have no inspiration? Nothing is fucking doing it for me right now. I don't want to write in the funny little Miss AMP voice. I don't want to have flagrant little opinions and flirt with misandry. Um, like I ever did anything that interesting in the first place. Do you know what a man mailed me today? He said my writing 'rocked the motherfucking libidinal juice right out of the house'. Which is pretty damn cool. I think. Where is he now when I need entertaining? He can come the fuck round and praise my bored uninspired pissed-off ass some more. Maybe I'll let him give me head. The only guaranteed fun these days is when some dude does a freakin' number on my womb. Though the way things are going, soon enough that's going to crawl out and demand that I get on my knees and give *it* pleasure, instead. Gah!

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