T H E  A M P  D I A R Y

Saturday 15 April, 2000.

Itchy and Scratchy. What does that make you think of? Tim Burgess crooning the line 'Itchy and Scratchy come rollin' up mah alley', through a pouty mouth the size of a ring donut, perhaps? Or does it make you think of The Simpsons? You know, Bart and Lisa transfixed by the Itchy and Scratchy Show, gazing gleefully as the cartoon characters split each other open with can-openers?

Anyways, I bet it doesn't make you think of piggies. I bet it doesn't make you think of little piggy faces, of creases on snouts, of shining eyes, fat hairy bodies, whippy tails and clickering snorting sounds like an old computer loading up. Yet that's what they called the pigs . You know, Wiggy and Hopkins, the piggies I fell in love with at Spitalfields City Farm. Called 'em Itchy and Scratchy, didn't they? Might as well have called them Benson and Hedges or Cannon and Ball or something! Feh. Well there you go. Jake was right. It obviously was a competition for children. Judged by children too, it seems. Pah. I'm going to switch to Hackney City Farm instead. They'vegot calves with long white eyelashes and a turkey with ugly wattle all over the top of its head.


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