FRIDAY APRIL 05 2003
TINA'S IMAGINARY BOYFRIEND
The best thing about him is that he doesn't think he's all that good-looking.
You're like, hello, is he blind? Fack! When you're walking down the street
with him, you can't help pulling away sometimes, unwinding his arm from
round your waist, just to take a step back and peek at him from a distance.
His face... how he looks at you and grins and runs towards you and grabs
you round the waist and goes 'rrrrrrrrraaaaAAAH!!!!' like a scary bear,
and then kisses you all over your mouth... you dig that the mostest.
You love shoving your hands in his hair. It's really soft and straight.
He smells wonderful. Sometimes when he's gone you put your palms up over
your nose and just smell him, hot skin and some kind of boy-hair wax product
that he doesn't like to tell people he uses, and t-shirts from some skateboy
shop all Comfort-fresh. And when you fuc—but no, you don't wanna
talk about that.
How'd you meet him? God, it was, you were in that record shop in Croydon
with your friend, and they bumped into a friend of theirs, some boy, who
was with a friend of *his*. None of you had met this boy before. You all
had your arms full of old vinyl. Somehow you all ended up going to the
pub and getting plastered. It was a Saturday afternoon – you know
how afternoon drunkness can just be the best sometimes? It was dark in
the pub and you were shy at first but this boy – Daniel / Jack /
Wolfie (from Wolfgang – he thinks it's kinda gay but you think it's
cute) / ended up sitting in a corner and chatting while your friend caught
up with her mate. And you switched from pints to double vodkas, you know
what it's like, and then you can't even remember what happened or what
he said or why you did it but the next thing you knew you were outside
the pub kissing him so hard you thought you'd die.
No, no, your friends can't meet him – he's away at university most
of the time, doing a PHD up in Bristol. He was just down for a bit meeting
a friend. In what? Oh, Physics and Philosophy, yeah, but he's not a geek.
He's lovely. He's so cool and he doesn't even know it. he just, fuuck,
you don't know what he sees in you but you don't care. You're gonna take
advantage of this for as long as humanely possible. You're gonna ride
his ass till his jeans have rubbed away and there's nothing, just scraps
of skin, shiny bone, shards of heart.
Want your own imaginary boyfriend? Send
in your requirements and a bit about yourself, and we'll do the rest!
previous : : : about
: : : next