boy1: apparently, billie was made pregnant by her manager. a couple of years ago. before the chris evans thing.
girl: Oh, poor thing!
boy2: yeah, apparently she had an abortion.
girl: poor thing, she was only like 17!
boy1: pregnant, abortion, manager.
boy2: i've got this theory that having an abortion is like the female pop equivalent of having a drug problem if you're a man.
girl: but more women have had abortions than men have had drug problems... one in three women have had an abortion.
boy2: so is this a song to her unborn child?
girl: yeah! she can't stop thinking about it, every day and night.
boy1: so what were your other billie secrets?
boy2: the story i've heard is that she is, or has been, a real alcoholic. When she was fifteen, she was an alcoholic. I went to a seminar on decoding pop lyrics - part of the hoxton festival, i went last year, there was this woman pop journalist, she was really nice - lots of tossers on the panel, like one of blur, and the guy from black box recorder, yeah, and somebody that used to be in pulp. they were reading out, cold, peoples pop lyrics, and going 'snoot, snoot, snoot;, and i was sitting in the corner throbbing going 'yeah, but, but it's this PROPULSION of TEEN ENERGY!!!' to myself, and one of the guys said to the the woman who was chairing the thing, who writes for smash hits, 'so, what's all this about billie?' and she said, well, everybody knows she's an alcololic, and they were saying yeah, but what's the other thing, and she said no, i can't say, i can't say, it's too bad, and they were like going go on, go on, and she said i can't say anything, but, just ask her father. (meaningful, pinteresque pause). i just leave it at that.
boy1: maybe her father got her pregnant?
girl: maybe her father is her manager?
boy2: maybe this is her incest album?
boy1: we're low on facts here.
boy2: i'm rapidly losing credibility here as top pop expert, aren't i?

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